Is Later Better Than Never?
by Veatriki
Summary: Edward left Bella. For good. When he returns, years later, will she be able to forgive him or will she marry Jacob, as planned? Will an unexpected pregnancy affect her choices? Will some horrible accidents alter her decisions? R&R PLEASE!
1. Seven

1. Seven

I tried. God knows I tried. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you want something, it just doesn't happen. Whenever my mind wanders off to that horrible night, the night when… he left, I can still feel the physical pain his departure caused me. I remember his last words to me: _"it would be as if I'd never existed"_. Right, as if that were even possible. How can a person erase from their memory the most perfect, infallible, angelic chapter of their life? Easy answer. They can't. It doesn't matter now anyway. It's all in the past. And I have to be okay, or at least pretend to be. For Jake's sake. All those years when I was broken and I couldn't even stand my own self he was there for me, healing me, whispering to me that everything was going to be okay. And it is, now. I can't believe he saw the good in me in my darkest of times and he held on to that as if it was his own life at stake, his own sanity and mental balance. He never let go of me, when the going got tough he just got tougher. He's dependable and safe and he feels like home. That's why I'm marrying him. Though he wouldn't have been my first choice.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and put on a light sleeveless T-shirt. It was such a beautiful day. Charlie had already left for the station, he was starting work unusually early the past few days, he said something was wrong, for some reason the water springs in the woods that surrounded Forks were contaminated. Jacob was picking me up anyway.. We were supposed to go paint our house today. He came by punctually as always, the biggest smile on his lips, lighting up his whole face.

"Hey beautiful, are you ready yet?"

I came out of my house with a very painful enthusiasm on my strained face. Today was seven. Seven years. Seven years since I last saw the face of the only person who ever made me feel whole and secure and alive. I put all thoughts concerning that matter temporarily out of my mind. Surely I would find the time of day to cry my eyes out at some point.

"Hey, 'morning! I'm all set, let's go!" was all I could manage.

As soon as I reached Jacob he planted a kiss right smack on my lips and hugged me ever so tightly. That felt good. It made me feel wanted and loved, and I knew that –by him- I was.

"So I was thinking mostly earthly colours for the living room, you know to make it warm and cosy for us.. our little love nest" he said, a taunting hint in his voice " But you can go ahead and do whatever you want with the master bedroom. I don't care what colour it is, as long as it has you in it." He said and he winked at me. Strangely enough those playful words felt more restraining to me and more suppressing that I thought they could.

"How about purple? I like purple, it soothes me"

"Purple it is babe, whatever makes you happy"

It had been a long day and I was truly exhausted. We managed to paint the better part of the house, which wasn't really that big to begin with but still, it felt gigantic by the end of that day. We were sitting on the floor eating pizza, because Jake said I'd only be allowed to cook in this house after the wedding, and drinking warm beer, when I suddenly noticed a change in his tone, I saw his features fall a little.

"Hey" I said, but he didn't respond "hey, Jake, look at me" I demanded this time. I lifted his chin with my hand and he gazed straight in my soul through the intensity of his stare.

"What's wrong?" I asked, before giving myself time to freak out by his expression.

"Are we making a mistake here?" he blurted, catching me completely off guard.

"A mistake about what?"

"All of this, is this whole thing a big fat mistake that is about to backfire on me?"

"Jake? What are you talking about?"

His voice was very calm and his face composed but I could sense the intensity that came from within him.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just scared.. you'll.. change your mind and I'll be left with nothing, because you already know, you're everything to me" he admitted as if he were fighting back tears.

"Why would I change my mind? I love you. You know that. That's not something you can change. Unless you don't want to go through with the wedding anymore.."

"No! Of course not. I've waited a long time for this. I want you, only you. I just noticed you seemed kinda out of it these past few weeks, with all the preparations and the fuss… you seem to not really be present, mentally at least. I was just scared that may-"

"Stop!" I told him as softly as I could. I got up, went close to himand sat on his lap. "Listen to me; I'm only gonna say this once. I love you, I want to be with you, and when I marry you in ten days time none of that, none of it, will have changed." I kissed him then, on the lips, a soft romantic kiss filled with concern and love and comfort which he continued as possessive and intense while his grip on my waist became stronger. I broke the suddenly too intimate kiss off, trying to catch my breath, rested my forehead on his and continued, "It's you and me now, this is it, just us, forever"

"That's all I ever wanted" we whispered back at me, and then his usual cheerful self reappeared, relieving me.

He dropped me off at my house, kissed me goodnight with a strong, passionate kiss -like he always used too, and I never stopped him- and this long day was finally over.

When I got inside I got through Charlie fairly easily, he adored Jake, so just telling him I'd been with my soon-to-be husband painted a grin on his face and stopped any further interrogation. I showered hastily, I couldn't wait to go to bed. I pushed all the boxes of my packed stuff on the floor and I finally tucked myself in. My window shut. From time to time I felt the need to leave it open, but I had decided –or at least tried to believe- that it was useless to keep feeding a fantasy. I fell asleep so easily it surprised me.


	2. Meeting

2. Meeting

The night was never friendly to me anymore, and on a special occasion like that it was only fair for me not to get a single moment of sleep. In the morning I felt terrible, but that wasn't news, I'd been feeling terrible most of the time for a long time. I was no fun to be around. Dear God thank you for Jake, how could he stand me?

But today was a whole other level of awful. I had to go to Port Angeles and get my wedding dress. I couldn't even have my friend Angela come with me because of all the stupid werewolf-tribe-_we're-not-cool-with-outsiders_ thing. My made of honour was Emily, Sam's fiancée. At least she was nice to me. Unfortunately, she wasn't available that day and I had to drag my lifeless standing corpse around all alone.

I decided the sooner I set out the sooner I'd be coming back. I dropped by Jacob's house first; of course there I seemed perfectly excited to be getting my wedding dress. He deserved that much. He hugged me, he kissed me and then he reluctantly let me go. I loved that about him, the fact that whenever he saw me leave it was as if I was taking a part of him with me- his heart. I should know, that's how I gave away mine. I knew that this fluttery feeling would never end. On Jake's side that is.

I went to the shop where a very simple, very plain, classic A-line white gown awaited me. I picked up the thing, stuffed it in the truck and set out to get some lunch. Today was a typical day. The kind of day you expected around here. Humid and foggy. Downright depressing.

As I was driving around reminiscing Phoenix and the heat waves that dominated the weather there I saw it. It hadn't changed one bit. The Italian place. That lovely, welcoming restaurant where I'd figured out all about Edward's "heritage". I knew it the moment I saw it. I automatically pulled over and I found myself walking into that place in no time. When I got in there was a waitress ready to take my coat, showing me to the only table I could ever have asked for. The table we had sat at. I doubted it was healthy for me to be living in the past like that but it didn't matter.

As I settled into my chair I could see that whole night playing in my head. I could hear his voice and see his eyebrows furrow in confusion to my questions. At some point I even smelled his perfume. Only that was too real. I'd never found anything similar to that and this felt right. I turned around to see who could possibly be carrying such an enchanting aroma, when my world stopped for an immeasurable period of time. That was it. I was crazy. To add to the voice and the smell I now actually thought I saw him. Actually saw him while he was asking the blushed waitress for a more privet table –as I'm sure he would have put it. And the fantasy played on. And of course as if everything wasn't screwed up badly enough Alice had to storm through the glass door and start shouting "Oh my God, Bella I saw you" by that she had to have meant her visions, we had not made any eye contact. Great, now I was reasoning with my unleashed imagination.

When I didn't speak she just came over to my table. I stood there perfectly still not believing the scenario that took place around me. It couldn't be real.

"Bella? You're here? I can't believe it. You're really here! I'm so glad to see you! I wanted to make contact with you, but we kept moving around I just never got around to it…I've missed you so much Edward has missed you so much…Oh! Edward!" in that verbal avalanche all I did was stare at her, my eyes big and round in disbelief. She pressed my shoulder as if reminding me to breath, which I'd actually stopped doing…

And then it happened. His voice was the first part of him I acknowledged

"Alice, what are you do-" the moment he saw me he turned even whiter than the usual marble shade his impeccable skin had. He was at a loss for words and so was I.

"Bella" he just said my name softly and each time he did it felt like a little jolt of life passed trough my body.

"This isn't happening" was my subconscious minds automatic response to these recent events. I grabbed my coat and run out of the small yet elegant restaurant.

He came after me.

I got to my car at my top speed but he caught up with me easily. I opened the door to get in and before I could lean toward the inner side of the car he slammed it shut. I slowly turned around fighting hard to not start screaming because this, even for a day-dream, was way out of control.

"What are you doing? Why would you leave? I lo…I…I'm back. I came home. I am here… for you" as he spoke his voice got softer and softer and I was trying my best not to look in his eyes. I kept staring at the floor. I had no words to express myself with.

"Please, please Bella, my love, just look at me, just say something. I know I let you down, I know I broke your heart, I know it's been too long and that you may not want me near you but please, talk to me" he was pleading me. Wait, he was pleading _me_ to talk to _him_. In my fiction I always begged him to hear me out and take me back. Which meant this was not my creation. This was really happening. He was here. Edward was here. I felt my heartbeat become erratic and my cheeks get hot. I still couldn't bring my self to fully face him but I did answer him.

"What are you doing here? You 're supposed to be far, far away, from me and this town. This can't be real. You can't be here." I stopped my babble of words and let out one long sigh before I realised that the tears I hadn't noticed were pooling in my eyes had finally won over, wetting my shirt. He put his fingers on my cheek and it was like electricity turning my face toward him, and not a mere touch. His eyes were better than my mind could ever have remembered. Those golden eyes filled with the same agony I could feel was mirrored in mine looked straight past my shell and into my core. I couldn't breath. Thankfully I managed to speak.

"You are making a mistake, you will eventually regret coming back, don't do things for me, I don't deserve it, I'm not worth it, I'll make you want to leave again and that will k…kill me…please, we both know it's coming so just leave now" I said with every ounce of strength I could summon from my body.

While I spoke he shook his head from side to side as if what I was saying was untruthful. After I finished he came a little closer to me and he said to me, so softly only I had any hope of hearing "Bella, I'm sorry, I know I am asking for something I have proven my self unworthy of but I want you to forgive me. I need you to let me come back to you. Let me make you my home. Please, without you I just feel lost and unguided. I have spent the last years drowning in misery because of what I did…I left" the declaration distorted his ever so perfect face in pain "I left. I know I did. It was the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life. I suffered through every minute of it trying to punish myself for such a stupid decision. As if I could forget _you_…I was foolish. Bella I beg of you, take me back. I..I love you. I do. And I'm sorry. And I just love you…so much…Bella please"

Okay, so now I was totally crying.. Sobbing actually. He'd just described the nightmare I lived through as his own and he was begging me to take him back…It didn't make sense…

"But I made you want to leave.." I said my voice breaking embarrassingly.

"I only left because I thought it was best for you, for your safety. It killed me, every second of being away from you. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I came back for you"

"Why, why now?" I asked, still confused and dazed by his appearance.

He looked at me with so much pain in his eyes it made me feel guilty and he said

"Because I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore, and I don't care how much it pains me, I just had to see your face, feel the warmth of your skin, see the blush of your cheeks. I had to come back" he stated calmly.

My head was spinning and I had lost every speck of balance I may have once had. My knees trembled and he held me up.

"So you don't hate me, or have forgotten all about me…" I spoke my thought aloud just to be sure this wasn't some kind of perverted joke my head was playing on me.

"How do I put this?...I adore you, every day we were apart I spent thinking about you. I love you and I ask you to please, please take me back." Then, as if something inside me had broken, I just gave in to him, like I had wanted to all along, like I had dreamed of so many times, I kissed him and he help my body close to his as if I were fragile, and for a moment I forgot I actually was –compared to him at least- and I gave in to that long forgotten passion that was now resurrecting me. He didn't hold back either. He wasn't what I'd remembered. He was strong and intense and I felt his whole body pressed against mine. I felt alive. In the sort moments I stopped for air he would only whisper "I love you"'s or my name or he would just kiss my neck. I was alive, for the first time in a long time, really alive.

After what seemed to me like seconds but must have been quite some time Alice started clearing her throat reminding us she, too, was here.

I broke Edward's kisses off and he looked at me with a pained expression.

"No need to be rude" I explained with a genuine smile on my face.

I went over to Alice, I hugged her so hard my lungs felt like mush but she didn't make a sound. I'd missed her. A lot. She was my best friend. When we were done hugging and I finally got a hold on my stupid tears that just wouldn't stop flowing down my face, Edward came close to me again, from behind me, he wrapped his hands around my waist in a protective yet sweet and loving way. I thought my head was going to explode with all this enthusiasm. I was happy.

After a few moment of just staring at each other, the three of us followed Alice's lead and went back inside the dinner. We were showed to a table and they ordered food I didn't really want anymore for me. We had to talk.


	3. Wake Up Call

3. Wake Up Call

"Bella you look like you haven't slept in months" Alice accused. She was seated directly across from me.

"Well I haven't, not a full night at least.." I mumbled to her and Edwards grip on my waist intensified. He sat right next to me, holding me, as if he was afraid to let me go.

"But you've changed, you've always had something special about you, but now you're truly beautiful" she amended.

"She always looked ravishing, now more that ever perhaps, but still, she has always been a mesmerising presence to be around" Edward now stepped in, addressing his sister.

I looked up at him and he kissed my forehead. It felt so normal, so right!

"Where have you been? All these years…You never even called me, or sent me an e-mail or any kind of evidence you ever thought of me…Why did you just erase me?" I attacked them both but I kept looking at my hand that was intertwined with Edwards'.

"I'm afraid I might have to use the ladies room" Alice said and she subtly excused herself. This was ridiculous. She couldn't possibly need to use a bathroom. For no reason at all. She just didn't have that kind of needs. None of _them_ did. So, okay she was giving us privacy. So this must be important…

As soon as see was out of the room and into a very artistically decorated ladies room Edward became the centre of my attention. It was weird that after all these years, being next to him felt so natural, so normal and effortless…

Soon enough he started talking, so fast I had to really concentrate to catch everything…

"It's all my fault…I made everyone leave, I uprooted them because I thought is was what was best. You don't understand this, you can't and I don't expect you to. I had been alone for so many years. I had my family to keep me company but in the essence of it I was by myself while everybody else had someone they could lean on. It's different when it's like that. And then you came along, and everybody wanted you but you wanted me, the one person who was physically hazardous for you to be around, who was jeopardising your life just by being near you. But that never stopped you. I fell in love with you so completely and I know you did too. Tell me, how could I live with myself if I ever did anything to cause you harm? How could I stand it? And after what happened with Jasper…Bella, you just gave yourself a papercut! That was hardly a reason for what followed. I was convinced it was a sign. A sign to demonstrate just how unfit we are. How our differences could destroy us both. You physically and me… well, if anything happened to you…It's all my fault." Edwards words came to a sudden stop and he left me staring at him with my mouth hanging open.

"Edward, why would you put yourself and your whole family through that? Why wouldn't you just listen to me and stay?" I asked him with shock rough in the sound of my voice.

"Because I love you" he said it once more.

"Still, that doesn't answer as to why you just deleted me" I added, my voice sounding pathetic.

"Don't you see? I had to let you go _because_ I loved you that much, I couldn't trap you in a relationship I had decided to end. You deserve better. I had to set you free" he said and he tried to smile but it didn't reach his eyes. It wasn't the smile I knew. It was forced and strained and wasn't enough to hide the despair in his eyes.

"You foolish man…You made all those decisions without counting me in. I would have told you! I would have made you stay! I would have convinced you that it didn't matter. None of it. As long as I had you…" I couldn't stand it, him torturing himself –and mine as well- with all that guilt. I put my arms around his neck in a tender embrace which he continued with a soft kiss on my lips

"I'm here now. I know you might not love me anymore but I do. I love you utterly and wholeheartedly. If you want to, we can be together again. God knows it's all I want. All I ever wanted. I want to make up for all the pain I put you through, if you let me…" he said, insecurity breaking his voice, making him sound like a child.

"Like you had to ask. The moment I saw you, it was as if not a day had gone by, let alone seven whole years. You took my heart with you then and now you bring it back. Thank you" was all I could say and he wiped the tears that where –once again- escaping my control before he kissed me on my lips. Such a tender kiss, I never wanted it to end.

Just then Alice reappeared.

"Well, my little lovebirds, what do you say we get going?" she said in a playful tone.

Then my mind began to function again.

"Wait, what about the rest? Where is Carlisle and everybody else?"

"They decided it would be best if we came first, and they followed, after all, we didn't know how you would react. They're staying in Denali with Tanya's family. They'll be coming tomorrow" Edward explained. So that's where they'd been hiding. Denali. Tanya. Fortunately, that's over.

Something in my expression must have given away my line of thought to Edward because he squeezed my hand and he whispered in my ear "You were all I could think of, she didn't stand a chance". I smiled and simply believed him.

Edward paid the waitress leaving an extravagant tip for her, we got our coats and just when I had convinced him to let me drive my own car –with the settlement that he would be the passenger next to me- my phone rang. I took it out of my bag and I glanced at the caller ID.

Jacob.


	4. Right?

4. Right?

My knees started to tremble and I felt all of my blood escape my face. Jacob was calling me. I had to answer or he would just call again. He would be right to, I'd been away a whole day and we hadn't talked at all since the morning when I'd dropped by his house.

Of course both Alice and Edward noticed the change in my expression. Edward was next to me in no time. "What's wrong?" he asked, urgency distorting his velvet voice.

"Nothing…It's nothing…I…I just need a minute, please" I was surprised any sound came out of my mouth by that moment, let alone a coherent sentence.

I picked up the phone and started walking away, so I could speak more freely. Jacob sounded normal as ever.

"Hey beautiful, what's up?" he started.

"Hi…not much I guess. I…I picked up the dress. Then I went to get some lunch" I said. I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Good! So how's your wedding dress?" he teased, he knew I didn't really want him to know until he actually saw it on me.

"Uhm…It's okay I guess, it's great"

"Hey, are you okay? You sound funny" he questioned now, with concern in his voice.

"No, I'm fine, just tired from walking around all day" I quickly lied.

"So, you better hurry up and come home to me then, I'll make it all better" he taunted me. Sadly I couldn't respond to that.

"Okay, see you soon" I said quickly. I so wanted this phone call to be over…

"'kay, love you Bells" was his last comment, then, finally he hang up.

When I turned around I saw only Alice starring at me like she had just seen a ghost.

One thing I didn't account for was the fact that I wasn't used to being near vampires anymore. It had been a long time since that had had to concern me. Apparently their enhanced hearing was still there. I was so stupid.

"Alice where is he? Where did he go?"

Alice kept starring blankly at me.

"Alice, please, where did he go?" I demanded.

"It doesn't matter you can't get to him. He's too far away by now. He took the car. I need a ride" she spoke almost mechanically.

When we were in the car neither one spoke for a long time. Finally, I couldn't stand that anymore. Who knew what ideas crossed her head? Who knew what he might do?

"Alice, you've gotta –"

"Bella, Jacob? Of all the people that Edward could compete with, Jacob? And you're marrying him? Don't deny it, we both heard him talking about your wedding dress. I cannot believe this. Why would you want to be with a werewolf? Edward is shattered. If only you could have seen his face when he took off…This is bad" I let Alice speak but I wasn't going to leave it like that. They had left me. He had left me. How could he expect me to just stop living when he turned me down, when he said that I was not good enough for him and he disappeared?

"Alice, I love Jake. And I wasn't going to deny the fact that I am marrying him in ten days time. Nine, actually. You know, you know nothing about this. He stood by me every single day. When I couldn't even lift myself from the bed because of the pain your brother had caused me. He was here. He never left. Even when I sent him away, when I told him to leave me alone. He never did. He deserves this. The fact that he is a werewolf doesn't mean anything to me, exactly as the fact that Edward is a vampire meant nothing to me. And I honestly love him" I made my declaration as clear as possible. She had to hear this. She had to know exactly what the situation was.

It seemed like she understood. "I'm sorry, you had every right to live your life when we abandoned you. It's just that I know that Edward never forgot you. Not for one day. This must be killing him…" she was right about that. I knew that much.

"You have to let me deal with that" I said.

She just nodded. I dropped her off at her house. Edward wasn't there. I didn't want him to leave but I couldn't just drop everything and go after him. Instead I went home. The more I got my head straight the more details I remembered. I went home, I took a hot shower and changed all my clothes. I didn't want the werewolf to smell the vampire on me.

After I was aroma free I went up to the Reservation as fast as my truck could go, at a speed that definitely was not for it's best interest. When I got there Jake was already waiting for me on the front porch. I pulled my car over and I just ran up to him. I ran and when I got to him I held him in an embrace so tight it made my muscles hurt. Of course to him it was nothing.

"Hey, babe, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked kind of alarmed.

I was crying again. Way to go Bella.

"Look at me, I love you, tell me what happened and I'm going to fix it. Nothing is going to harm you ever again" his words felt like daggers piercing through my chest. When he spoke to me like that it felt as if the world could come crushing down on us and somehow it would be okay. He would make it okay.

Without even taking a step back I spoke to him "I love you. We're getting married. I want this. I want us to and have kids and grandkids and grow old together. I want you, forever, just mine" I cried out in despair.

He held me close, kissing my shoulder every now and again.

"And it's all gonna happen, babe. Nine more days. Gosh, I can't even wait. I love you Bella"

"Thank you, that's all I needed" I said.

"Anytime, babe, but what got you all upset?"

"Ugh...I'm jut going crazy…Nothing unusual" I tried to shift to a lighter mood.

"I'll tell you what" he said, while he sat me down on the porch banister, "Why don't you stay over tonight?" he kept his arms wrapped around my waist "Billy is over at Sue's for the night and we have the house to ourselves, what do you say?" I said hell yes. I couldn't believe that just hours ago I'd acted as if he didn't exist.

I didn't speak, I just nodded in agreement. While he lifted me off of the wooden porch banister. I crossed my legs around his waist and locked the grip of my hands around his neck. He kissed me several times at the base of my neck all the way up to my ear. He took us inside the house and when he knocked the door closed I was already kicking off my shoes. He laid me on the couch and remained atop me. I felt better. His touch, his words, his lips made me feel better. So much so that I almost forgot the words that Alice had said to me in the car.

Almost. _If only you could have seen his face when he took off. _That brought me to a stop.

Of course Jake immediately noticed my rigid body and he stopped kissing me, letting out a sigh.

"I'm sorry…I just don't feel well, I'm sorry" I really was. I wanted him. Why did I have to be so stupid and complicated?

Instead of getting angry he only made me feel worse for what I had done by what he said

"It's okay, this isn't something you should apologize for. This has only happened in moments when we both felt we wanted it to" and that much was true, he never pressured me for sex, he let me take my time about it and he waited for a long time before I could finally let go and trust him with that. "Don't feel bad, really, there's no reason. We'll just stay here and sleep or talk if you want to. I'll love you just the same in the morning" and then he gave me a breathtaking smile that was as true as the sun. How could I ever hurt him? I was everything to him. He should've been everything to me.

As the night grew older we fell asleep at some point. I slept without thoughts, or dreams of Edward. Such a relief. I would have died right then and there if I had woken Jacob up in the middle of the night screaming Edwards name.

When the morning came I woke up first. I wrote Jake a note telling him I'd left, gone home to make Charlie some breakfast and that I'd left some cucumber sandwiches in the fridge for him. And that I loved him. Because I did. Right?


	5. Does It Matter?

5. Does It Matter?

I drove off with so many things on my mind that when I got to my house I could not remember the drive, at all. That wasn't so smart. I had to be more careful than that.

It was all a big mess and right now it wasn't looking like it was going to work it's self out. I had to do something.

I would call Alice. As soon as I got home I got to the phone –grateful for once that my dad had to go to work extra early- and without a second thought, after seven whole years, dialed Alice's cell. The number I knew by heart. Pathetic.

It only rang twice.

"Hi Bella" she answered.

"Oh! Good! Alice, where's he? Did he come home? I need to talk to him"

"Bella I don't know if that is such a good idea. He's really not well"

"I know and it's my fault. I _have_ to talk to him Alice" I pressed.

"Look, I really think he needs some space right now, nut if you insist I guess you could come by in about an hour, I'll go hunting and the others won't be arriving until tonight, so you will have some privacy" she broke off "Please Bella, just, be careful, he's worse than I've ever seen him. I'm scared" and she did sound like it.

"I am too" _for different reasons_, I added in my head.

"I have to go now" Alice said urgently.

"Okay. Alice, thank you" I added hastily.

"Don't, not just yet." She answered, and then the line died.

So I had an hour. First I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my skin so hard it hurt. I didn't want the vampire to smell the werewolf on me. It would be like a final blow or something. I got dressed, tried to untangle the mess that was my hair, went downstairs and had my usual breakfast, the cereal and milk, and then there was still half an hour left.

So, I cleaned around a little moving nervously around, trying to press time into going by faster. Just before I grabbed my coat on my way out the phone rang. Jacob. Surely it was him.

I got to it fast but couldn't bring myself to pick it up. It rang several times.

"Hello?" I said, with my well practiced cheerful tone.

"Hey, beautiful, why didn't you wake me when you left?" he asked "I would have made you stay" he continued, which was exactly what I had wanted to avoid.

"Hey, we're not married just yet. I have to see to it that my father is fed and has a clean house to come home to" I lied. I hated myself.

"Well that first part is about to change really soon! So, may I interest you in a day at Sam's house? The whole pack is going to be there, Emily's cooking for us. Again" he asked expectantly, I hated to deny him that happiness, of having his friends and his fiancée together, hanging out. Today I had to.

"Sorry Jake, I really have a lot to do around here. I'll try to drop by later though, okay?" I settled.

"Yeah, sure, no problem" he said easily.

"Okay, so I've gotta go. I'm going to the shops as well" I prodded.

"Bye babe, think of me today, I love you" he stated.

"I know, I do too, bye"

This sucked.

The drive to the Cullen's house was relatively long but I was so used to it that it felt like I was knocking on the door within moments. I waited for a few minutes; Edward had definitely heard me calling his name. He didn't come to me for a reason.

I pushed the door and it opened effortlessly, the work of Alice, I guessed. I walked in, feeling a little more than awestruck by the brilliance of this place I had long forgotten. I heard something very soft, like a melody. Only it felt much more divine than music ever could.

I walked hesitantly toward the enormous living room where I remembered that a grand piano was positioned, to find Edward there, sitting before the piano, playing. Then it all came to me. Once I figured it out it seemed stupid that I would be puzzled and mesmerized by that tune. I was something terribly, painfully familiar to me. It was my lullaby. A song he had written just for me, with me as his inspiration. Tears fought to caress my cheeks but I fought back.

I went over to him and sat down, by his side. I didn't look at his face, I couldn't. It hurt too much. So I just put one hand on top of his and stopped him from replaying the song all over again. I wanted to speak but when I opened my mouth my voice felt non-existent. I couldn't think of one single word to say that could possibly make things better.

And what exactly would better be? Did I want him to fight for me? Would he win? Or did I want him to just leave again and let me get married like I was supposed to? I didn't know. So, I just kept quiet.

"You love him" It wasn't a question.

"Yes. I do" I wasn't here to lie.

"What am I supposed to do?" he continued, still staring at the piano.

"I don't know" as I said, I wasn't going to lie.

That's when I looked up at his face. He seemed terribly ill. He was completely white and his eyes were so drained of colour and life it frightened me for a second.

"You are the only reason for my existence. What am I supposed to do now?" he continued.

I had no words to fight back.

He lifted his eyes to stare directly at mine.

"What am I supposed to do? Tell me, because I can't figure this out on my own. Tell me because I'm lost and I can't find anything worth living for" he accused.

"I am too late. He won. It's too late"

"This is neither a competition nor a game for him to have won. Jacob loves me and I…and I will marry him" I finally protested.

"When?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Because I might still have time to steal you away from him" he said matter of factly.

"Edward, you can't think like that. I won't hurt him this way. I can't. Not after what I've put him through"

"It is all my fault" his features changed, I saw something in him I only recognized from the time he had confronted James. I saw anger and hatred. Toward me. He hated me. Fair enough.

He got up, put his one hand on his waist and passed the other through his hair as he started to pace around the big room.

"If I hadn't left, this wouldn't ever have happened. You know that, as well as I do" he said, never looking at me, sounding all the more furious.

"You're probably right" was all I could manage at this point.

"Had I not been blind and selfish and stupid there wouldn't have been anything in you for him to fix. There would never have been a reason for you two to unite. I never should have left" now he was yelling.

"Don't think like that" I said, my voice barely audible, trying to hide the tears that escaped my eyes. I had never seen him so desperate, so utterly helpless.

"How can I not Bella?" he shouted directly at me, he was literally screaming but I wasn't scared. I was just shocked and speechless "How can I not acknowledge the fact that the only thing that made this endless life bearable, the only person I ever looked forward to seeing, the only one I ever cared about, that I wanted to be with, is now bound to marry someone _else _and I'll be left with nothing and worst of all, this whole situation wouldn't even exist if it hadn't been for my ungratefulness" he wiped his hand across the piano breaking everything that was on it. All of this anger and rage was a horrific distortion of the man I loved.

My one hand had slid on my face to cover my open mouth and tears blurred my vision.

"Edward please stop. It's not your fault. It's mine. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but you have to know I had no idea you were coming back" I begged "I let you give up on us and I did so too and for that I am terribly sorry"

"Oh, Bella, please don't do that, you've always been altruistic but this is all on me" now he was composed again and he came toward me with a tender expression on his face.

"I left you, I couldn't have expected you to just stop living for that, stop apologizing, you're the only one who's not at fault here" he tried to comfort me, He continued in a much lower voice, filled with sorrow "I just wish you still loved me and that you still wanted to be with me" as he took me in a soft embrace and kissed m forehead.

"But I do! I do love you! I love you just like I did back then, you have to understand that" I took his face in my hands and made him listen to that. "It's just that I cannot abandon Jake. He's important too. Very. If it hadn't been for him I'm not sure what you would have found yesterday. I was a wreck"

Those last words of mine pained him and I instantly regretted ever saying them aloud.

"Hey, if you feel you don't want to be near me just go. I'll understand" I told him, secretly wishing I would die if he did.

"No. This is my last chance. I have until your wedding. Yesterday you told Alice nine days so today makes eight. I only have eight days to get you back. I'm not going anywhere. I'm home and soon you will be too, here, with me"

There was a certain finality about his words that even made me believe him. Then he strode over and kissed me. I forgot how to breath. It was a kiss so intense, so final it felt like I would break.

Let's not kid ourselves. I was still head over hills in love with him.


	6. No Matter What

6. No Matter What

So okay, I was a slut. Not a cheap copy of one. The real thing.

After having stayed with Edward and made out with him to the point I felt my lungs would collapse, I left. Just like that, I left him. Broken and in pain.

And why did I leave? Only to go home, take my standard –by now- hot shower to rid the smell and go visit my fiancée back at Sam's house.

I was such a slut.

While I was getting ready, a very alarming thought crossed my mind. I had to tell Jacob. I needed to tell him Edward and his family were back. By tonight the whole vampire clan would be assembled in their house and there was a very good chance that the pack would sense it, picking up their smell or a trail they left behind when they went hunting. It was just a matter of time before the cat was out of the bag and Jake deserved me to be honest to him. He deserved the truth. He had to hear this from _me_. Tonight.

Ah, crap!

When I got to Sam's house I could tell there was a big feast going on. Lights were flooding the woods in which his house was positioned with colors. I could smell the barbeque and only when I did I realized I was starving.

I parked my car in front of the house and I let myself in, making my way to the back yard. The first person to notice my presence was Emily.

"Hi Bella! Jake told us you were coming! I'm so glad you're here, come on and grab a bite" she welcomed me.

Before I could respond I noticed Jacob, in the background, sitting on a hammock. The moment our eyes met a huge smile light up his face. I tried to smile back. My stomach was clenched.

Of course he was coming toward me. When he got to me, which took like two seconds, he wrapped one hand around my waist, holding a beer with other, and he softly kissed me right next to my ear, on my cheek.

"Hey, beautiful" he started off as usual

"You smell great" he continued in my ear.

I couldn't help but smile. I put my hand in his back pocket and Emily subtly left us alone.

I had to start now, before I gave him a chance to sidetrack me and lost the point.

So without a second thought –I couldn't give my self time for those- I started.

"Hey, Jake, we need to talk" I said, before I faced him fully, trying not to look guilty.

"What's up?" He asked, clueless about what was coming to him.

"Not here, we need privacy" I said in a low voice.

"Bella is everything okay?" he asked, this time concerned.

"Please Jake, we need to be alone" I insisted, I would never break this to him in front of his friends.

He nodded once in agreement, he took my hand and we went to the front porch of Sam's and Emily's house. The only light we had was what little came from the back.

"Okay, let's talk" he said, still sounding sort of stressed.

"Jake you know I love you. But I have something to tell you. And you won't like it" I prepared him as best I could.

Just as I took a deep breath, ready to tell him all about Edward, he cut me off by blurting

"Bella, are you breaking up with me?"

His question shocked me to my core.

"What are you talking about? Jake, I love you. We're not breaking up" I panicked at the thought.

"Well, then what's going on? You're acting strange, you come crying to me and leave without even saying goodbye, you disappear for a whole day and now_ we need to talk_? So let's" he exploded, without raising his voice once. He was just worried sick. For me and for us.

So here it went.

"Jake, they're back" I said.

The question mark look on his face told me he had forgotten all about them.

"The Cullens. They returned" I added coldly.

Jacob's face went completely blank and he started to tremble instantly.

I put my hand on his shoulder to try to calm him but he shook it off and he staggered back the way we had come.

"I need to talk to Sam" he avoided me.

"No, you need to talk to me" I stopped him.

"When did they come back?" he looked at me as if he didn't know me

"Yesterday I think"

"But you only found out today, right?"

I wanted to die.

"No, I've known since yesterday, I saw them at Port Angeles. We had lunch"

"With whom exactly?" he continued questioning, trying to keep his cool.

"Alice and…Edward"

The trebling that had decreased now rocked his whole body.

"The rest of them are coming back tonight" I continued.

"So is that what bothered you so much last night? Is that what you've been doing all day today too?" he barked at me.

"Yes, that's the reason I was upset and I did visit them today as well" I reluctantly admitted.

"Why? Why Bella? Why did you lie to me like that?" he begged now, pain obvious in his eyes.

"Because I was scared" I answered, my voice barely a whisper.

"Scared of what? Of me?" he said, desperate now.

"Of you reacting like this. You have to know I love you, he being here hasn't changed that" I looked at him with pleading eyes, "We are getting married, eight more days" I started walking toward him, my hands reached out to him.

"Well, I guess I would believe you if you had been honest with me all along" he rejected me.

"Jake please don't do this. Nothing has happened between me and Edward. Nothing, in fact he knows we're getting married" I didn't really have to mention that Edward had overheard that, and that I hadn't actually told him…I was trying to get out of the mess, not further into it.

"And I'll bet he liked that, right? What's he gonna do? Steel you away?" He sounded sarcastic now.

"No" I lied.

His expression suddenly softened. He let me get close to him. I put my arms around him and kissed his jaw line several times.

"So, how did you feel?" he asked

"Shocked" about that much I could be honest.

"Does he still love you?" he continued.

"He said so, but it doesn't matter because I love _you_" I amended

"But you need to know, I kissed him" I added, dreading his response.

"I thought you would" he surprised me.

"Bella I don't care if you got excited by your first love's reappearance. We both know that if he hadn't left you'd probably still be with him" _Actually, that makes three of us,_ I added in my head, but let him continue "But please don't let him tear us apart. He left once. He could do it again. I would never even think of that…hurting you like that, but he already has. Don't let him take this away. I beg of you, no matter what" he said tenderly and I thought I saw a tear shimmering in the corner of his eye.

What had I done…

"Eight days Jacob, eight more days" I promised.

"Okay…Now I really need to talk to Sam" he said, before he kissed my forehead and let go of me. He looked like he's gotten a grip on himself.

"Right…I'll just head home and go to bed" I felt like I was about to faint.

"Do that. Please don't go near him. When you do you feel like a whole different person, not in a good sense. We'll talk tomorrow" How little of those phrases did I actually understand was to be revealed to me only when it was too late.


	7. Not the End

7. Not the End

I was so tired I barely had enough strength to drive my truck home. When I arrived, I got inside the house and found Charlie sitting in the leaving room, a huge pizza in front of him, watching baseball. Just then, my stomach started purring. Right! I was hungry. I went over to my dad, sat on the floor next to him and asked if it was okay to take a slice of his pizza.

"Sure Bells, go ahead" he allowed.

When he saw me devouring the tasty piece I'd taken and going for a second one he spoke

"I thought you went over to Sam's with Jake for a barbeque tonight"

"Yeah, but I was too tired to stay, so I came home and I kinda forgot about food…" I answered…

"So what's up with you? I've been so busy those past dew days I haven't talked to you at all…" he apologized.

"Hey, I get it, you're busy, don't feel bad, I have too much to do anyway" I said, trying to make him feel a little better.

"Yeah, about that, well, I can't really say I'm looking forward to giving you away, but I really like Jake. He's already like family and I trust the guy. I'm glad it's him." Suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore.

"Thanks, dad, I think so too" was all I could think to say.

"I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted." And I really was.

"Okay Bells, 'night honey!"

"'Night dad". Then I was out of there.

On the way to my room, I stopped to the bathroom. I washed my face a few times, throwing lots of cold water on it, too tired to actually shower. I brushed my teeth and changed into my most comfortable pajamas. I lifted my hair in a pony-tale and then I headed to my bedroom.

"You know that stink is still the same. Unbearable. Disgusting" Alice's voice made my heart stop. I wasn't used to this kind of thing. Not anymore.

I closed the door as soundlessly as I could manage and I then turned to her.

"Alice! You almost scared me to death! How did you get in?" I looked just to be sure but I was already certain that my window was closed.

"The front door" she answered triumphantly "Charlie really doesn't have that fast reflexes anymore…" she said in a nonchalant tone.

"What are you doing here, Alice? Did he send you? I really can't see him, or talk to him. I'm getting married," I quickly stated.

"Relax, he didn't send me" Although what I had said to her was true, I felt a little surge of disappointment to her response. Didn't he care?

"I came by myself because I wanted you to tell me what the hell happened with you two. When I came home, I found him lying on a couch in the living room, his head buried in his hands. He refuses to move, or talk or even nod to me in response to all the questions I asked him and I found some of Esme's antiquaries broken on the floor by the grand piano. Carlisle is worried sick" He cared. How could I have questioned that?

"Oh…" was my brilliant comeback. I went and sat on my bed without speaking to, or looking at Alice, I couldn't think straight.

She came and sat down next to me. A sincerely worried look was altering her face.

"So, what happened Bella?" she asked, anticipation in her voice.

I started to speak and when I moved my hands to wipe the sweat off my forehead, I noticed they were shaking softly.

"He told me he still loved me"

"Well, talk about an understatement…" Alice said, lifting her eyebrows "I thought you knew better than to question that".

I shot her a cold look and she got the message instantly.

"It's been _seven_ years, Alice. Do not start with me. I feel bad enough as it is" I defended myself.

"But don't you still love him too? I saw the way you acted yesterday. Don't hide your feelings. I am not here as his sister. I'm here as your friend" she told me sweetly.

"I do," I said under my breath "I told him that" I covered my eyes with my hands, and Alice squeezed my arms in a comforting gesture.

"Then what's stopping you?" Alice asked, sounding honestly clueless.

"Please Alice, it's not that simple, you don't know how it is. How could I do that to Jake when just an hour ago I was with him, reassuring him I loved him and that I would be marrying him? You have no idea what he's been through for me, what he has done for me," I pointed out.

"Right, but Bella what do you want? Why don't you ask yourself that for a change?" she still sounded very sweet.

"Because it doesn't matter. No matter what I do, someone gets hurt. There is no right choice here," I countered.

"Oh, but there is. The choice that would make you happy, honestly and profoundly happy" she said, with a smile on her lips. She was trying so hard to make me feel better.

"But that's the problem. I don't know what makes me happy. I don't know what I should do. My options are two. I either go through with what I have already started, and then I go on to live a great life with a person who would literally die for me or-"

"Edward would die for you, he actually almost did" she interrupted me.

I looked at her with a strained face "Please let me finish"

"Sorry" she murmured and she lowered her head, like a little kid, caught taking cookies out the cookie jar.

I took a deep breath and continued. "So, I either have that, a normal life…I get to have kids and grandkids running around my house in sixty years, and I don't hurt the one person who has stood by me through my worst times. When I was mourning the loss of someone else. Do you realize how much strength that took on his part?" Alice nodded, serious now, as if, for the first time, she understood the situation fully.

"Or?" she encouraged

"Or I give _him_ a second chance. I jeopardize everything I have, my whole family, I lose my friends because now their all members of the pack's little own society, I risk being left with nothing again, and I take a chance on the one person who has ever made me feel the way Edward does. I get a shot at pure happiness. But it wouldn't be safe. I don't mean physically, that's the least of my worries. What if he decided to leave again? I would be what? Nothing… If he left I would lose everything, and don't try to convince me he would never do that again, because I can vividly remember a time when he was promising me to be with me forever, and when I begged him to make me one of you and he insisted on saving my soul. Perhaps that is what all the hesitation was for. Perhaps he knew he would stop wanting me at some point and he just didn't want to be stuck with me. So please…Alice, just tell me what to do, because I am lost and scared and on the verge of breaking down".

Only when Alice took me in her arms did I realize that tears had filled my eyes and that my breath was coming in short pants.

"Shhh…" she tried to comfort me rocking me back and forth and I let myself free, sobbing my heart out for the dilemma I had put myself in. For the choice I couldn't make, and for the people I was hurting and most of all for the fear of ending up alone, with everybody hating me because I messed up so badly.

After several minutes had gone by, Alice lifted my face from her chest. She positioned me across from her on the bed. She took my hand in hers, looked me in the eye and slowly, as if choosing her words very carefully, spoke:

"Bella, I won't tell you what to do, which one to choose, I can't. You were right. I did not know. This is a decision you have to make on your own. I cannot take three lives on me. But I will tell you this, whatever you choose, make sure that in fifty years time you won't have any regrets" she advised caringly, sounding old and mature.

"It's so hard. Had this happened two years ago, I would have been his in a heartbeat. It's more complicated now," I murmured.

Alice gave me a tight hug and said: "You'll figure this out. Whatever choice you make will be the right one, have faith in yourself."

"Ah, Alice thank you, for everything" I thanked.

"I doubt I helped must in this circumstance," she said with an honest frown on her face.

"Only being here and hearing me out was enough for me. I feel I'm drowning" I confessed.

"Hey, listen to me, it's going to be okay in the end, and if it's not okay it's not the end"

"Promise?" I begged expectantly.

"Promise" she insisted.

And she left.

How I wished I could have gone with her. How I wished this whole thing had happened two years ago, when I wasn't engaged to Jacob and when there wouldn't have even been a question of me getting back together with Edward. But I was, and it was something I had done willingly. How I wished I didn't love him. Only I didn't have a name to go with that "him". I didn't know whether I preferred Edward to never have come home, so I could marry Jake, which I wanted to, or Jacob to never have fallen for me, so now, that Edward was back, I could freely be with him.

I couldn't bare my own thoughts. Thank God, I fell asleep.


	8. Lie

8. Lie

My eyes opened much later than I would have liked them to. I had overslept, great.

Behind my curtains the sky awaited, dull and depressing as ever. My body felt stiff and my head was throbbing in pain. That's what you get when you fall asleep crying. I stretched my limbs in a futile attempt to revitalize my numb body.

I got up, clumsy as always, stumbling on everything, and went straight to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn't recognize my self. I was a mess. If it weren't for the purple bruises beneath my eyes, I could easily see all color was drained from my lifeless features. My hair was all tangled up in one big mess and my eyes were swollen. I looked sick. I decided I couldn't start my day like this and I jumped in the shower. I stood under the hot water for a long time, giving my muscles time to unclench from their uncomfortable grip.

When I got out I let my hair down, to dry on their own and I slid into my softest pair of jeans and an old, too big, navy blue V-neck sweater.

When I was done, I went downstairs and decided to make some waffles for breakfast. I needed the energy and I felt famished. All the cooking was done, pretty much, mechanically. After I had consumed a surprising amount of carbs, I decided I had to make a call.

The phone rang more times than I could count. I gave up. No, I could not give up. Not just yet. I called him again. After a couple of minutes, my call was answered and I was glad I had insisted.

Only it was not whom I expected to hear.

"Hi, Bella" a trembling voice called

"Embry? Is that you?" I asked, puzzled

"Yeah, listen, Jakes' not here, he just left his phone at home…" He continued without the need of questions to get him going.

"Oh, that's weird…Any chance you know where he is, or if he's dropping by my house later?" I asked again.

"Uhmmm…I do have a pretty good idea…" he muttered. This did not sound good.

"Well?" I pressed

"I think he went over to the leeches' house…I think he was going to talk to that Edward guy…They're back you know," he announced.

I dropped the phone from my hand. My mouth fell open.

_Oh my God!_

"Bella? Are you there? Bella?" Embry called for me.

I left the phone hanging from the wall. With all thoughts having stopped, I began to run toward my car. I got in and my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't put the key in the ignition. When I finally managed to bring the engine to life I drove to Edwards house trying hard not to crush against a tree because of the hysterics that where hitting me.

When the huge, majestic house came into view, I dumped my car in the middle of its front yard and hurriedly stepped out, slamming the door behind me. Jake's old Rabbit was there.

_Oh my God!_

I run up the porch steps and stormed inside the house but I could already hear the yelling coming from the back of it. I crossed the kitchen and saw Edward and Jacob in the back yard. My knees felt like mush and I was sure my blood pressure was non-existent.

"You stupid, irresponsible bloodsucker! Who do you think you are? What do you think gives you the right to show up just because you felt like it?" Jacob accused

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Jacob. I _love_ her," Edward countered.

"You know nothing about her! You arrogant leech, you just want someone to make you feel better, to make you feel wanted," Jacob exploded

"I've been through seven years of constant misery in her absence. Don't talk to me like I just want to exploit her" Edward tried to restrain his anger.

"Don't you dare try to twist the events here. _She_ suffered _your_ absence. Not the other way around. _She_ did not dump you for no apparent reason"

I wanted to move but I was frozen in place.

"And you think it was pleasant for me, being away from her? It was the biggest, most foolish mistake of my entire life, and I don't know if you've heard, but I've been around for quite some time."

"Why did you come back? Do you think she is just going to fall in your arms like a mindless little girl? How can you possibly expect her to forgive you?"

"I'm prepared to fight for her," Edward threatened. I could see he meant it. So could Jacob.

"Well, you better be fast. You've only got one week," Jacob said, dismissively.

"More than enough for me. Let's see how it works for you, though," Edward had a confident smile on his face.

"You see, that, right there, is your biggest problem, that's what's going to cost you your future with her. You take her for granted. _You_ leave because _you_ think it's best for her -as if se can't decide that for herself- then _you_ come back because _you_ are in pain without her, not caring about the mess you cause in her life, or the fact that it hurts her to even look at you, and _you _expect her to take _you_ back, not listening to her when she admits to being happy with someone other than _you!" _Jacob broke, moving his head from side to side with a frown on his lips. "Selfish jerk!" he muttered to himself.

Edwards' face was a mask of apathy. He pretended not to listen to Jacob but it was obvious he agreed with him.

"I honestly believe I can make her happy," Edward admitted.

"Well, I can too and how can she trust you? Why would she want to risk everything for you? Have you any idea what it was like after you left? She would stay in bed and cry for days. She wouldn't eat, or talk to anyone. She hardly ever slept because nightmares lurked in her dreams _every_ single night. It took her almost a year to act human again. It took her two to watch a chick flick again. You took so much away from her, and because of your arrogance, you will again, if she lets you. You all but killed her." Jakes brows furrowed in desolation, it was as if he had so much to say, so many examples from my misery, that it made him uncomfortable.

He knew me so well, he knew all those little things about me and he even understood things I had never dared say aloud.

Edwards' face fell. He looked like he would be crying, were that possible.

"Jacob, I know you are right about everything, and you have every right to accuse me like that, but I do love her. More than you could ever possibly imagine. I would die before I put her through something like what you just described ever again. Trust me; it was even worse for me. I assure you, I never stopped loving her," Edward stated matter-of-factly.

"Sometimes love isn't enough," Jacob answered. There was something coloring his voice I thought I identified as hope…

I decided I had to step in. I had to stop them before things got even worse.

I walked between them and turned to face Jacob who was now getting dangerously close to Edward.

"Jake, what are you doing here? Why did you come here?" I shot at him.

"Because I knew you're far too in love with him to tell him what really happened to you when he fell off the face of the earth and I will _not_ let him act as if his choices affect himself alone. I'm done accepting that," the hurt expression on his face and the way he yelled his response to me, irritation altering his tone, told me he expected me to attack Edward, not him. He was right. That's what I _should_ have done.

"Please, just drop it, I told you there's nothing going on between me and Edward, trust me" I begged.

"He seems to be under the impression that you still love him" he said, always looking at me but jerking his chin toward Edwards direction.

"Well, he…he is wrong" I said, looking into Jakes' eyes. It was disturbing that I could lie so easily, so shamelessly.

Jake smiled and when I turned around Edward was gone.

I decisively marched toward the woods in which he had disappeared. Jacob grabbed my hand.

"Please don't go" he pleaded.

"I have to. I cannot let him torture him self like this. I need to set things straight," I explained.

"How is running after him pointing out the fact that you do not love him?" he asked, hopelessness thick in his voice.

"Because if I did, he wouldn't have had a reason to run off in the first place," I said.

He let me go and I continued further into the woods, within seconds I heard the Rabbit roar to life and drive away.

I wished I could smack myself.


	9. Weakness

9. Weakness

Have you ever wondered how your choices can have a domino effect on other people's lives? I did, right now.

It was all about choices. My first choice, to let myself fall for Edward –though I am quite sure that was pretty inescapable- and my decision not to give in to the fear his nature triggered in me. Then, his choice to leave and Jake's choice to stand by me and help me get back on my feet. My decision to let him in. My decision to make a commitment to him, and then…Edward's decision to come home, Jakes choice to defend me, even though I did not deserve it, and, finally, my _in_decision.

It seemed like I had trapped myself in a horrible situation. How can you choose between life and destiny? Jacob was my entire life; but Edward was my destiny. I had to choose and I had to do it fast, before I hurt the two people I loved the most even worse than I already had.

After Jake left, I did feel I wave of guilt for rejecting him and going after his enemy, but I couldn't help it. It was like gravity. Edward moved, I moved. Hopefully, this was just a remnant of the past and not something newly born in my soul.

As I wandered into the forest, surrounded by the beauty of nature and a million little creatures –most of which I feared- I wondered if there even was any point to what I was doing.

Fact one, if Edward did not want me to get to him, I never would. Fact two, I didn't know where I was or how to get out. Fact three, this scenario, of me searching for him in the woods, felt disturbingly familiar. Painfully so.

Just when I was about to give up and start crying because I was lost, literally and metaphorically, and tired and it was now dark so I didn't stand a chance of finding my way back to the grand house, convinced he had left me again, the same way as before, unprotected and alone, he appeared.

The relief that washed through me was completely rejuvenating.

But his expression told me otherwise.

"You shouldn't have come out here for me. You got lost. Follow me, I'll take you back," he said walking straight past me, never looking at me.

I stood there not moving at all. When he was a few steps ahead of me he turned around, eyes always on the ground, "It's getting late, please, just follow me" he pleaded.

I didn't speak and did as he asked. I could feel the anger building inside me.

After we exited the woods, which admittedly took more time than I thought it would -I must have been walking around for longer that I had thought- he escorted me to my car.

"Okay, goodnight Bella."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked, shock genuine in my voice.

"Excuse me?" he looked at me with a puzzled look.

"Are you supposed to be fighting for me right now?" I asked, blaming him.

"There is nothing left for me to fight for," he said, his eyes pinned to the forest that lay behind me.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I heard what you said, you made your self very clear. I don't want to burden you with my misery" he accused

"What did you think was going to happen? Did you expect it to be easy?" I demanded, anger burning my cheeks.

"Bella, you admitted it, you don't love me, stop trying to make me feel better, you don't have to," he said, pain blatant on his face.

"Oh, so was I just supposed to tell Jake I loved you?_ In front of you?_ Was I supposed to tear down all that he has built with you standing behind me? How could I have told him that I am having second thoughts, that I am torn, with you as an audience? I know I've changed, but I'm not that much of a bitch, not yet anyhow," I let my fury toward him loose.

He looked at me and he seemed slightly pleased with my words.

"So you do love me?" he pressed.

I was leaning against my truck and now he was standing right in front of me.

"No, not if you're willing to give up so easily" I put my fist on his chest, "You need to fight harder" I begged.

"I didn't want to smother you," he admitted.

"You need to show me. Show me that all those things you said, to Jake and to me, are true. Walking away is not the way to do that," I explained while he now had me enclosed in a tender embrace.

"Let me try again" he suggested. I saw the corners of his mouth slightly tilt upward in what seemed to be a faint smile before he kissed me.

Despite the ice-cold cover his kind granted him, he felt warm and soft to me.

I traced his entire body with my hands and he pulled me even closer. He let one hand loose only to use it to cup my face. I wrapped both my arms around his neck and refused to let go. He easily lifted me from the ground and he started toward the house. When we entered, I noticed something for the first time.

I reluctantly broke off the kiss to ask, "Where is your family?"

"Alice went shopping and the rest have gone hunting up by Seattle," he said, sounding just as breathless as I was.

I saw him approach the impressive staircase and in just seconds, we were in his room. It had a bed.

"Had you planned this?" I asked, not caring about the answer.

"No, but I hoped you'd be staying over some day. I wanted you to be as comfortable as you would be in your own house when that day came," he told me and with a smile on his lips continued to kiss me.

He laid me on the bed. I refused to let him go. Chances were he would stop pretty soon and so I took advantage of his weakness as much as I could. His stupid rules. Instead of cutting back, he just continued, passionate as ever. When he pulled his T-shirt off with one smooth move, I was shocked. He noticed that and immediately froze.

"I'm sorry. I am not trying to pressure you. I thought you wanted it, too" he apologized, his cheeks actually flushed, perhaps for the first time.

"What about your rules?" I blurted, still having a hard time taking in the concept of what was happening.

He looked straight at me with his angelic face "I reconsidered. It seems I might as well cease this opportunity, rather than wait for the perfect moment and miss that chance forever. I'm not waiting anymore, I'm creating a perfect moment," he whispered that last part in my ear.

I continued to stare at him in disbelief.

He sat next to me and he rested his head on my shoulder.

"We don't have to. This is not what makes me want you. I'm sorry," he whispered softly, apologizing.

'_Was he embarrassed?'_ The thought popped into my head.

I lifted his chin with my index finger and forced him to look at me.

"I'm not," I stated softly.

This time I kissed him. It was better than ever. I helped him get rid of his clothes and enjoyed the feeling of him undressing me. I could not believe this was actually happening. So, was this the happiness I longed for?

The next morning I woke up feeling a little dizzy, kind of disoriented and very fulfilled. I was curved in a fetal position and I could feel Edwards' body curving in exactly the same way in order to fit, and to hug mine. Did that mean all those things I thought I saw in my dream had actually happened? I was surprised anew. I knew he could not possibly be asleep so I turned around to see his flawless face.

"Good morning," we whispered.

"Hmmm" I groaned still sleepy.

"I don't know about you, but this was the best thing I've ever done in all my years of existence, and that's because it was with you" he said, burying his face in my neck.

"Wasn't it difficult for you?" I asked, reality striking me with fear

"Bella, I thought I had lost you once and for all. Trust me, my delicate instincts did not concern me for one second," he said, giving me that crooked smile that made my heart melt inside my chest.

"I'm glad because it was completely divine for me as well," I admitted unrepentantly. His whole face lit up.

Just as he was about to kiss me I saw his face snap toward the door.

Alice.

Judging purely from the expression of sheer incredulity that her pixie face transformed into as soon as she took in the image of me and Edward lying in bed, covered by a sheet- such a cliché- I am guessing she had no idea of what had happened.

"Now way!" she exclaimed.

Edward took a defensive stance and I suspected he was going to kick her out. Therefore, I intervened.

"Way!" I responded equally –if not more- enthusiastically.

"Wow! Just, WOW!" she marveled.

"I know!" I agreed.

Edward chuckled next to me. I turned to him and he kissed me again, on my shoulder this time.

"Uh-oh! So, I'd better go…" she taunted "This," she moved her hands in circles toward us "So not an image I want in my head." She winked at me and left us laughing.

I checked the time from the huge antique clock that hung from Edwards' rooms' wall. Nine o'clock. Not good. Jake would probably drop by my house sometime during the morning. Knowing him, he definitely would want us to talk things over. I had to leave.

I let Edward kiss me one last time and then, reluctantly, I got up, covered my self with the sheet –again, so cliché- and started picking my clothes up from the floor.

Edward was next to me, fully dressed, within moments. He held my arms trying to stop me from collecting my things.

"Please don't go," he said with a strained voice. "I can't stand knowing that you're going back to him. Please, don't leave me…" he requested.

"Don't say that. I have to. You have to know, I have no regrets about this, but I cannot just abandon him. Not yet. I need to give him a chance to fight too" I said and realized the truth of my own words as soon as I spoke them.

I got dressed in a hurry and when I went down the stairs, I found Edward already waiting by the door, and everyone else in the living room. Well, I had to at least say hi, right?

I felt like my stomach had a will of its own. I walked into the ridiculously oversized room hesitantly and then a tornado hit me. A.K.A. Emmet. He lifted me from my feet and spun me around.

"Gosh, Bella, where have you been? I could even say I missed you, but my bro over there wouldn't like that" he teased Edward who mimicked a hateful expression unsuccessfully; he sounded really excited to see me.

"Hi Emmet! I was about to ask you the same thing!" I said, giving him a knowing look.

"We deserved that…Hello Bella, it's really nice to see you again," Carlisle welcomed.

"You too, all of you" I responded sweetly as he took me in a warm embrace.

Esme was up next, she hugged me too "You look beautiful Bella, welcome."

"Well, I was actually leaving" I admitted feeling more than a little awkward.

"Without talking to me first? After all this time? It's a little disappointing, I must admit" Jasper walked into the room and came straight toward me. This time I went for the standard hug but stopped short halfway through it.

"It's okay Bella, I can handle it now. I'm a lot better at the whole human thing," He said smiling, while he closed the little space that remained between us.

"I'm so glad to hear that!" and I honestly was. "Where is Rosalie?" I asked; she was the only one I had not seen at all.

"She's not feeling that well…" Emmet said, nervously.

"She still hates my guts, huh?" I asked in a light tone.

"Pretty much…" Emmet admitted, and everyone chuckled.

"Come on Bella, let's go" I heard Alice's voice from the door, where she stood next to Edward.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you around guys, bye" I said, and I left the beautiful house that was now, again, a home.

Alice came with Edward and me halfway to the car.

"Well, it was certainly nice having you!" Alice broke the silence "Feel free to come by anytime! We always want you around here!" she offered.

"Thank you Alice, for everything"

"Anytime," She kissed my cheek and almost danced inside. God, I had forgotten how graceful she was.

Edward escorted me all the way to my car. "Well, this is it…I hate to see you go" he said, his eyes verifying his words. "Leave now, go to him, but come back to me. I'll be waiting" suddenly he felt much more serious than I had expected.

"Okay" I gave a promise I could not be sure I would keep. "Thank you…I love you," I confessed once more.

"I am counting on that," he hoped. He kissed my lips one last time. I never wanted to let go. I had to. Lightheaded as his charm had left me, I started the car and I set out for the highway.

On the way, I enjoyed the air blasting my face. It felt fresh. It felt cleansing. Soon I was taking the last turn to my house. The dull, white building came into view.

See, the problem when you have a lot of things on your mind is you end up forgetting little details, like for example, the fact that today was Sunday. Charlie did not work. He was home. Surely the was a whole new level of interrogation waiting for me as soon as I walked through that door.

Like my fiancée, Jake would have said: "Oh, for crap's sake."


	10. Tears

10. Tears

While I turned off the engine I readied my self for what I knew was coming. I took some decisive steps that led me to the front door of my house. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I got in.

Of course, there he was waiting for me. Jacob, that is. He was leaning against the kitchen door while Charlie sat on the couch right across from him. Neither one spoke.

I could feel the tension built up in the room.

"See, I told you she stayed with them," Jacob told Charlie, but his eyes were glued to me and I could not bring myself to look him in the eye, despite the instant shock of finding him here.

"Please Jake, stop it now," I begged. "Charlie didn't do anything so save it for when we are alone."

"Bella, Jacob told me Edward is back in town. Is that true?" Charlie asked, taking on the well studied expression he took when he was on the clock.

"Yeah," I admitted hesitantly.

"And, may I asked why is this the first I'm hearing of this and why is Jacob the one telling me?" he continued, still very serious.

"Dad, I didn't want to upset you. I know you hate him-"

"That makes two of us," Jacob snorted.

I gave him an exasperated look and continued "- and anyhow, his return doesn't mean anything" I completed, turning to Jake now. He looked away.

"Right. Could you please explain to me where you were last night?" he carried on, making his point clear. This had to be Jacobs' pest fertilizing inside my dads mind.

"With…With them, I stayed over at their house," I admitted fighting back the tears that were now pooling in my eyes. I felt attacked. My father was actually siding with Jacob.

"Well, that's disappointing Bella. I thought you knew better than that," my father chided "I cannot believe you would be so irresponsible as far as not only your relationship with Jake is concerned but your own dignity as well," he sounded really disheartened, frustrated.

"Oh, Charlie, please, doesn't worry about her relationship with me. She obviously doesn't" Jacob charged.

I couldn't find my voice. Well, that was convenient. Were I able to speak, what could I possibly have said?

"Jake, I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No, you are not. If you were, you wouldn't be running off with them whenever they felt like it. You're like their toy. They use you whenever they want to and you not only enjoy it but you feel grateful that they give you the time of day. It's pathetic and I'm sick of it."

He had a sense of resolution in his tone.

I gave Charlie a meaningful look and he got it right away.

"Right, I'm leaving. I'm going fishing with some guys from the station," was Charlie's way of saying _"I'm giving you some privacy." _

He left silently, when I showed him to the door he whispered to me "You've hurt him. Fix it."

He was right. This situation could not go on but I had no clue as to how to defuse it.

I went back into the living room where Jacob still stood.

"You promised, you made me believe that there was nothing going on between you and the leech and then you spent the night with him as if you were some random whore that-"

He stopped him self with what seemed like a great effort.

"Do you know why I fell for you? It happened right after he left, when you were devastated. I thought to myself that if a person can be in so much pain for the loss of someone else, if they could demonstrate such total and profound devotion to someone else then they have to be selfless and pure and real. That is how highly I thought of you. Why would you try so hard to knock your own self down?" Jacobs' words caused me actual pain. It was as if I was going to be sick.

I just stood there, looking at him, never in the eye. Despite the fact that he no longer trusted me, which was pretty obvious, he had insulted me. I knew I couldn't take offence from his words because I had done more than enough to deserve them but still, it felt extremely unnatural to hear them coming from his mouth.

I couldn't mouth a single word.

"I'm sorry," he said, approaching me.

I took an involuntary step backward in a subconscious attempt to preserve the distance between us. He dropped the hand he had reached out to me and his face became a mask of frustration.

I snapped out of my coma immediately.

"It' all my fault, I know. I still love you. I'm still getting married to you. Six days. If you still want to," I stated. This time I was not entirely confident I was being sincere.

Just when I went close to him and he put his muscled arms around me, his phone rang, ruining our apparent reunion.

"Huh.." he muttered when he glimpsed at the caller Id.

"Who is it?" I automatically urged.

"Sue Clearwater. That's unusual," He said, a puzzled look rattling his features.

He answered the call the following instant.

"Hello, Sue, I didn't expect-" then his words fell short.

"What? When? Where is he now?" He asked all three questions at the same time, not giving the poor woman time to answer.

His face turned utterly white and his voice became rough, as if burdened with emotion.

"What did the doctors say?" His behavior made me tremble in fear. Something bad had happened. That much was obvious. I had to find out exactly whom it concerned and how serious it was.

"No, no, no, that can't be…No Sue, that can't be true, please Sue…" he was begging the woman on the other end of the line. His voice sounded completely strained, filled with sheer anguish. He dropped the phone from his hand and he dropped to his knees. He rested his hands on the couch, burying his face in them, and he burst out sobbing.

I ran to his side and picked up the phone.

"_Hello, Jake, are you there?"_Sue Clearwater continued talking in vain.

"Sue, this is Bella. What's happened?" I demanded in a pressing tone.

"_Bella, I'm afraid…Jacob's father, Billy…he ha__d a heart attack"_ she said. I could barely make out her words in between the sobs that escaped her.

"What? How is he? Is he going to be okay? Is he awake?" I shot all my questions at her, panic-stricken as I was.

"_Oh God"_ she murmured, _"Bella, he…he passed away"_ she said and then I suddenly found my self on my knees as well, next to Jacob, crying, trying to enfold his gigantic torso in an embrace, not so much to comfort him but to keep him whole. He was falling into pieces.

I do not know how much time went by, while we sat there, on the floor. I was trying to comfort Jake but I was in way over my head. All I could do was wrap him in a tight clasp and rock him back and forth, the way mothers did to soothe their restless babies. At some point, he disengaged himself from my grip and he got up, wiping his eyes dry, leaving me puzzled, on the floor.

"I need to get to him," he said. His tranquil exterior almost had me thinking he was calm and composed, but the torture he experienced was transparent through his eyes.

I got up, dusted my clothes and gave him an understanding nod.

"I'll drive."

The whole pack was at the hospital, all of their faces a manifestation of absolute grief for their eldest advisor. As soon as Jacob walked toward them, Sam put one tired hand on his shoulder and wordlessly left his wishes for strength and courage with him.

A nurse showed him to where they had his father. He followed her unwillingly. I approached him, intertwined my fingers with his and spoke softly to him:

"Be strong, just as he would have wanted you to."

He continued looking straight ahead of him, down the long hallway, but he nodded in reply to my words. I let him go.

After he was gone, I turned to where the rest of the group were sitting and went to them.

As I was lost in thought Sam, approached me: "Bella, I'm terribly sorry to put you in an uncomfortable position but I would like to confirm with you the time of the funeral tomorrow"

His words shocked me deeply. How could he be so unsentimental about this?

"Please, don't think that I am not deeply saddened by the loss of our father, that's how we all saw him, but it is very significant for our tribe that members -especially leading ones- be buried as shortly as possible after their death, so that the body is transferred to the afterlife without changes" he explained.

It all seemed like a big mess to me. That must have showed.

"I would have talked to Jake but he is no position to communicate right now, so I ask of you to please ensure that Jake is at the reservations' church, tomorrow at three o'clock. It is what Billy deserves and I promise you, we will take care of him as best we can." Sam was actually trying to help. It took me a while to understand the meaning of his words.

"Okay, he'll be there" I allowed. "Thank you Sam, for taking care of everything, truth is I do not know how the tribe works and Jake can't handle it right now, so thanks," I attempted to smile but failed palpably.

Sam didn't speak, he just nodded.

It was weird, the sadness that hung in the atmosphere.

When Jacob returned, the look of his face made me reminisce the paleness I had seen on him earlier. He was about to collapse.

Paul and Quil ran to him and they supported him from one side each. They helped him to the car and after I thanked them, I set out for my house.

It was true that Charlie didn't like Jake staying over at our house, even now that we were engaged, but I supposed that tonight, of all nights, he wouldn't have to worry about inappropriate actions taking place under his paternal authority.

I assisted Jacob to get inside and had him lay on the couch. I sat right next to him and put one hand on his forehead.

"Hey, I know I'm probably going to sound stupid, but how are you feeling?" I asked feeling more than a little dumb.

"I'm in pain. I need time," Jake replied.

"Well, you don't need to worry about that. You just try to rest for now. I promise, we'll face everything together, you just take care of yourself and let me care for the rest" I assured him and then I kissed his palm which I was holding in my hands.

He was too exhausted to fight with me and after sole minutes, he was fast asleep. All those hours at the hospital had drained him of energy, of life.

I got up from the couch and went straight for the phone. I needed to call Charlie.


	11. Time

11. Time

Charlie, despite his own grief for his best friend, helped me handle Jake. I couldn't stand all the pain. Not my pain. Everybody else's pain. At the funeral it shocked me to see that the whole reservation mourned for the passing of Billy Black. Only then did I comprehend the wisdom of this man and the importance of his guidance to his people. It was disheartening to watch them lay flowers in front of his lifeless body.

Jacob I couldn't understand. He was so silent and dazed that I was unsure whether or not he was really in touch with his surroundings. He had lost the person who supported him his whole life. It was his dad who had brought him up when his mother had passed away. It was he who had taught him how to put his strength to good use and how to step up to his duties as a werewolf when the time came. He was the one Jake turned to about everything. And now he was no longer with him.

When we entered the church, he told me not to let him go and I squeezed his hand in reassurance. We sat at the front row, next to Jacobs's sisters and Sam, who had Emily to support him. Billy had treated him like a son as well.

It was all over sooner than I thought it would be and I was entirely grateful for that. The burial took place equally briefly and I could see that Jake wouldn't have been able to take more of it anyway.

As soon as it was over, I wrapped one arm around his waist and hugged him. He felt expressionless, but then again that was his way of handling pain. He put on a poker face and he released himself later, privately. He passed one arm around my shoulder and I whispered to him "Let's go home."

He nodded in agreement and we started walking toward my car. Charlie would go to Sues' house for a little while and keep her some company, so it was just the two of us.

Jake wanted to drive but after I convinced him he was nowhere near alert enough I was found behind the wheel once again.

When we were finally inside my house, after he took off his tie and his jacket, he went and sat on the sofa. I stepped out of my black high-heels and went in the kitchen to make some coffee. I took two cups of that rich smelling drink and I went and sat next to him. He passed his arm around my waist making sure I stay there, latched onto him.

"Thank you," he told me softly.

I put one finger on his lips, trying to hush him.

"Don't. That's what I'm here for," I tried to make him feel a little more secure, a little less alone.

"Bella, I'm sorry, but I don't feel I can go through with the wedding. It's only less than a week away," he said apologetically.

"God, Jake, could you please stop worrying about everything?" I begged. He needed to stop torturing himself with everything else and focus on getting past what had just hit him.

"There is no way I would expect us to get married knowing that you are not well. I want it to be a happy moment, for both of us, so stop apologizing for your feelings."

"Okay… but are you sure you will want to get married to me in a few months?" he asked, surprising me.

"What do you mean? Why would I not?"

"I'm scared that if I don't tie you to me soon enough you will run of with Edward." His simple statement pained me. It was the first time he admitted his feelings to me concerning this subject and it was one of the very rare times that he referred to Edward using his name and not some demeaning adjective.

The bad thing was that I could not promise him the eternal devotion he had hoped for. He suspected I was conflicted, and I honestly was.

"Don't think like that," I comforted him. God knows, I did not want to think like that.

I couldn't say anything more promising or more optimistic. I could not bring my self to ensure him that I would be with him no matter what. It wasn't a matter of whether or not I was willing to help him through it, it was a matter of whether or not I would still be around to do it.

The night eventually passed. We both fell asleep on the couch. I had been watching TV and Jacob had been crying, without making a single sound, tears simply appeared to be slipping from the corners of his eyes. I pretended I had not noticed. He had to let it out and if this was his way of doing so, I would let him have it.

Sometime during the night I woke up, I got him a blanket and I lay myself on the other couch in the living room. I did not want to wake him with my moving around.

I woke up before him. He was so worn out that he needed the rest. I decided to make breakfast. When he got up, he came straight to the kitchen where I had French toast and scrambled eggs waiting for him.

"Hey," he greeted. He seemed better, more like himself again.

"Good morning, sleepy head! Hungry?" I asked pointing at the set table before me.

"Yeah, I can't even remember when I had my last decent meal," he said while taking a seat and loading his plate with a generous amount of omelet.

"I thought so, hence the protein enhanced breakfast," I added.

"You're always a step ahead of me." That last comment was more of a conclusion of his, some thought he had that perhaps –judging from his low voice and his face that was turned to his plate- was not meant for me to hear.

"So, I'm going to go home today, I've put you and Charlie out for far too long already," he said sheepishly.

"Don't be ridiculous. You are more than welcome to stay for as long as you want and you know that," I scolded.

"Yeah, but I want to go home. I have to take care of my dad's stuff and I need to just be home for a while."

"Okay, as soon as you're done we're going," I agreed, seeing his point.

"Bella, you don't have to babysit me all day long. I can go by my self. I want to be alone for a little while anyhow," he told me, and I felt like I had suffocated him.

"Oh, okay, whatever you want," I responded.

After he finished his breakfast, he thanked me and I kissed him. I really hated to leave him alone in a time like this. He got into the Rabbit, which had been parked in my front yard for two days now, and he started to his house.

I had gone outside with him, to tell him goodbye and to kiss him one last time. After he disappeared, I got back inside and started rinsing the plates with hot water. Within seconds, there was a knock on my door. My stomach clenched. I hadn't heard a car drive in, nor had I seen a pedestrian walk up to my house. The knocking seemed without a cause. Or, it's cause was way to fast for me to notice it walking in my driveway. I had a fairly good idea who it was.

I went for the door and because I was not particularly fast to answer it the knocking just got more persistent, it sounded panicked.

I opened the door.

Yep..I had been right. Edward.

"You're okay? Thank God! You're fine," he sounded genuinely relieved.

I could not find logic into what he was saying.

"Wait, what?" was my -more than witty- reply.

That's when he started talking fast again.

"Alice, she had a vision, you were crying and you were all dressed in black and then you just disappeared. She did not see Charlie and she could not tell if it involved Jacob. I didn't know what had happened or if you were actually dressing for a funeral and I panicked. I almost crossed the line. The treaty line. I was so anxious about what had happened to you, and of course your phone was dead" he spared a moment to frown at me before carrying on with his verbal barrage "and I could not get through to you, and then the tramp stayed the night, the second consecutive night and I almost went completely crazy but I knew I could not just show up, I could not put you in that position. So, please, tell me, what happened?" he blurted.

I was so confused by all that he had explained that it took me a few seconds to figure out the math of the situation. So Alice had seen a vision of me getting ready for the funeral, which was practically the only time in the past couple of days that I had been alone from werewolf company, and then Jacob joined the picture so that would explain my disappearance and the unexpected end of the vision. That's what had left Edward with all of his unanswered questions. He had almost crossed the treaty borderline because he knew that the vision stopped because of werewolf interference and he had not dropped by while Jacob was here because he knew that that would have costed him a few points. Not that this was a game. Well, talk about a mess.

"Jacobs's father, Billy Black, passed away," I announced.

"Oh…I'm sorry. I didn't know. He was one of the tribes' elders, right? He was a wise man, very just," he said, sounding relieved from my explanation.

"Yes, well, Jacob is my fiancé…he needed support and that's what I gave him" I said. I realized I was trying to justify to him my closeness to Jake. That was stupid and unnecessary.

"Of course," he agreed, a hint of irritation tainted his voice.

The customary awkward silence followed. We just stood there.

"May I come in?" he suggested.

"Ugh…Sure, come on in," I answered not sure if I was doing the right thing.

He entered the house and followed me to the kitchen were I went back to cleaning the dishes.

"Wow, it smells horrible in here," he commented.

"Well, sorry, not much I can do about it," I shot. I so was not in the mood for this.

"Not true," he murmured to himself. I pretended not to hear that.

He took a seat right were Jacob hat sat earlier and had had my homemade breakfast.

"So…how is _he _handling it?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he sounded interested.

"Not so good. His father was Jacobs's home. He turned to him about everything. It's very difficult for him." It felt weird, discussing Jakes feelings and his mental state with Edward. It felt abnormal.

"My deepest condolences."

Okay, I have to admit, that one did come off as genuine to me.

"Thanks, I guess," I had not expected that one so I did not know what to say in response.

"Must be tough for him, with the wedding six days away and all," he said, trying to mask his agony with an indifferent tone.

So, that was where he was getting to. He wanted to know if the wedding was still on. I should have known better than to believe he was actually interested in Jacob. That would have been like Romeo feeling sorry for Paris. No way. But then again, that would make me Juliet. No way.

"Actually, the wedding is postponed."

"Oh!" It seemed weird to me that such an insignificant exclamation could bare so much satisfaction.

"Yeah…"

"Until when?" he pressed.

"I'm not sure, actually. Until Jacob feels better I guess." Truth was I had not really thought of that.

"Right, obviously…" he agreed sounding skeptical.

After I washed the last of the dishes I turned around, facing him, I leaned against the counter and continued.

"What difference does it make?" I asked demandingly. I wanted him to pursue me. I wanted him to tell me it made all the difference in the world because it gave him time to make me choose him.

"Well, I just figure…a lot can change _until Jacob feels better_…" he air quoted around my words. I guess I could make do with that. It was not the passionate confession I had hoped for but it was a strong enough implication. I smiled.

I turned to the dishes again, drying them this time and putting them on a stack before I put them in the cupboard again.

He was right behind me in a heartbeat, pressing my body with his against the kitchen counter. He pulled my hair from my shoulder and he kissed me from the base of my neck all the way to my ear. I dropped the plate I was drying and it shattered to pieces. I put my hands against the counter to keep me from collapsing under his velvet touch. With obvious pleasure –from my reaction to his effect- he gently whispered in my ear: "Charlie is coming, I should go"

He kissed my neck one last time and added, "I still think about the other night. It made even more crazy about you. I know you love me. I will come back tonight. Like old times. If you don't want me to you know what to do, I'll understand."

I could still feel his sweet breath in my ear and by the time I turned around he was gone.

The next second, Charlie -who had stayed at the Clearwater's house the previous night- walked into the house.

"Bella, I'm home" he called.

"In the kitchen Dad" I called back.

I was still trying to catch my breath and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I pulled myself together and hurriedly tried to pick up all the pieces from the broken plate before I turned to face my father.

_He_ was coming back, tonight.


	12. Old Times

12. Old Times

Charlie did not notice anything weird about me, or at least he did not comment on it. I was so tense that I expected him to.

We did not talk much. He just wanted to make sure Jacob was okay. When I told him, he went home and that he wanted to be alone, he suggested that I call Sam and let him know, so he could drop in on him later and make sure he was alright. I thought it was a good idea and while I was on the phone explaining the situation to Sam, Charlie went upstairs to take a shower.

I realized I had nothing to do so I decided I should go out and do some shopping. We were in desperate need of milk and eggs. Jakes' presence aftermath.

I went to my room; I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like a ghost of my old self. In an attempt to hide my exhaustion, I applied some concealer under my eyes and I pinched my cheeks a little bit, to give them a faint idea of a color.

I followed the standard routine I had established when I went shopping. I went to all the usual places and did all the usual thing only something felt different. I was different. I was thinking about Edward way too much. When Jacob had asked me to postpone the wedding, I felt relieved. I was given an unexpected opportunity. A chance to think things through. I needed that. I was on the threshold of a life-altering decision. I had to count all variables and I needed to evaluate both "options" objectively. I needed a break from the relentless switch from Jacob to Edward. From Reality to Fantasy.

I finished my shopping absent-minded as I already was. I drove home and after I put everything away, I decided to check on Jacob.

The phone only rang twice.

"Hey babe, stop worrying about me. I'm okay" was his opening line.

"Sorry, just that I know that even if you weren't you wouldn't admit it, so…" I could almost hear him roll his eyes at me through the phone. "What have you been up to?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Well, I put away some of my fathers things," the light tone he previously had instantly disappeared now. "Anyway, Sam is stopping by later, with Paul. They're going to bring a couple of pizzas I think. I told them not to but Sam told me he had been informed I wasn't doing so great, so thanks for that…" He accused.

"Yeah, about that…I 'm just worried Jake…I don't you to feel alone. Plus, I think it will be good for you, hanging with the guys. They'll take care of you."

"I know, thank you. So, I'll just sleep here, or at Sam's place –Emily is visiting some relatives in Washington, so he can put me up too." He did sound a lot better. All the doom and gloom was out of his voice.

"Okay. We'll talk in the morning. Bye," I honestly wanted to add _"I love you"_ but it just didn't feel sincere.

"Love you Bells, talk to you soon," he said and he hang up.

Have I mentioned I am a slut? A real one, not some cheap knock-off…

I tried to put Jacob out of my mind. I had a few hours before Edward was going to be here so I decided to try to fix myself up a little. I went to the bathroom and I took a steaming-hot shower. I covered myself with an intense moisturizing cream and I even shaved my legs. Not that this meant anything. I washed my face with cold water, to wake me up and I let my hair down, to dry on their own. I slipped into a black pair of short's and a grey tank top. Nothing too fancy.

After I was done, I tidied my room and after that, I still had loads of time. I went downstairs and started working on dinner. I made a potato salad and I grilled some steaks after I washed then in marinade. When Charlie got home everything was ready.

"Hey honey, it smells great," he complemented.

"I hope it tasted that way too, I tried something different with the marinade sauce…" I said, skeptically.

With that said, Charlie got I big bite out of the stake and he seemed to enjoy it.

"It's delicious Bella" he admitted. "What did you add?"

"Nothing, I just changed the proportions," I explained.

"Well, it tastes great, aren't you having any?" he asked, noticing my outfit.

"No dad, I had something earlier, I'm just going to go to bed. Jake is staying with Sam, Emily is out of town, so I'm going to go rest" I stated.

"Right, you should, it's been tough…Bella?" he started.

"Yeah?" I answered hesitantly.

"You, you haven't made any contact with the Cullen's right?" he looked at me with pleading eyes.

This is what I hated. I hated to lie. I had to, for Charlie's sake. He would die if he knew. There was no way to be honest here, not even partially. I had to disrespect my father and lie through my teeth.

"No, dad…I haven't" I said. I tried to force my lips to a smile but failed.

"Right, right, of course you haven't, I'm sorry…" he apologized quickly.

"'Night dad" _Thanks for making me feel like crap._

"Goodnight Bella" he allowed.

I got to my room and locked the door. It wasn't something unusual now, as it was when we were back in high-school. I opened my window and sat on my bed, waiting.

That didn't last too long. Within a single heartbeat, with movements far too quick for my inadequate reflexes to notice, Edward was leaning against my wall, wearing a flattering green long sleeved shirt that contradicted his copper hair perfectly.

I needed a minute to catch my breath.

"Hi," he whispered to me, his voice hoarse.

"You're here," I heard my mouth say before my brain could stop it.

He started walking toward me. He put one finger on my chin and now that he was close enough I could smell his alluring breath, he spoke to me.

"I told you I'd be coming. Thank you, for allowing me in," He said and kissed my cheek, right next to my lips. I almost grabbed him and kissed him right smack on the lips. Almost.

He took a few steps around, studying the room.

"You haven't changed anything in here," he observed.

"I don't really like change…" I muttered.

"I know so," he said, under his breath.

"So how is your…Uhm… How is Jake?" he asked. "Not that I honestly care. I care about you. But you care about him, so…" he explained where this unexpected interest came from.

"He's…trying," I said. I couldn't discuss such delicate private matters of Jake's with Edward. Some things are just not done. Period.

"Hmm..." was his heartfelt reply.

"So, did you miss me today?" he asked while he played with something he found on my desk. I hated the arrogance in his voice.

"Well, I was busy…" I had to admit that much. I couldn't just blurt that I'd missed him so much, I hyperventilated when I thought of him leaving again.

His face fell. He looked at me with a pained expression on his beautiful features.

"I hate it when you sound so sure of me" I explained.

"I'm sorry," I could tell he honestly was. All the cockiness faded from his tone.

"When you sound like that there is no way I would admit the fact that I did spend the better part of the day thinking about you…"

His face lit up. "I'm glad. You're all I thought of too" he approached me now, he sat in front of me and he lay me down. I used one hand to intertwine with his, and lock him on me that way, and the other I spared so I could trace his flawless body. He kissed me. I was afraid that after that night…That we would go back to the way things had been before that. That he would reevaluate the situation and put his guard up again. He hadn't. On the contrary. He had allowed himself more freedom than he had ever before. When he kissed me now he pressed his entire body on top of mine and he didn't hold back. I was the one to break off, for air and because of the erratic drumming of my heart –it was ridiculous. He wasn't afraid of a lapse in self-restraint and he handled me with strength, yet making me feel fragile and special and like the centre of the world. His world at least.

Should I have stopped this? Was it a huge mistake that would cost me my marriage? Was it going to cause me pain?

I didn't know. Most importantly, I didn't care. For now, it was just him and me.

When I woke up in the morning, I felt just as dizzy and lightheaded as his presence almost always had me lately. I found a note on my bed, right next to my pillow, written in his impeccable handwriting:

I love you. Always. Have a beautiful day. Think of me.

It felt weird that he had the same request as Jacob. They both wanted me to think of them. Little did they know that I did, both at the same time.

When I was done using the bathroom I went and grabbed some coffee and before I could go to my room and get dressed I found an envelope on the kitchen table with my name on it.

My Mom! God, I'd missed her so much.

I tore the envelope apart in seconds and I found a card inside it and a letter. I went for the letter first.

Dear Bella,

Honey, I've missed you so much! We hardly ever talk anymore. You need to visit me. It's the last weekend before your wedding and I know you'll be busy but you're the bride. Just delegate everything and pay me a visit. No is not an acceptable answer. I need to see you before we leave for Phil's tour with the team! I'm so sorry I won't be at the wedding but take this as my chance to give you my gift. I'll be at the airport to pick you up.

Love,

Mom.

Poor Renee, she didn't have a clue there was not going to be a wedding. Not yet at least.

I took the other piece of paper that I originally thought was a card in my hands to realize it was an airplane ticket.

This was the break that I so desperately needed. The opportunity to clear my head.

I immediately called Charlie and he seemed to find it a good idea, especially since Jake would be with Sam, in Emily's absence.

Jacob was not particularly thrilled but he agreed it would be good for me to visit my mom.

Edward hated the whole concept from the moment Alice had a vision of me hugging my mom at the airport.

I was able to convince each of them that it was something I needed and that I wouldn't be gone for that long anyway.

Again, Edward whined a lot but I didn't listen. This was something that would really help me figure things out. Rene didn't know much about relationships but whenever she gave me advice she did so after a lot of though and after hearing every little detail of the problem I was facing. I hoped she could do so now, that I needed guidance more than ever before.

Well, it seemed like I had some packing to do.


	13. Dots, Symbols And Colors

13. Renee

When I got to the airport, my mother was already there, waiting for me, just as she had promised. The moment I saw her she started hopping up and down in excitement and she reminded me of a little child. I'd missed that. When I'd lived with her I was so carefree. I could do anything I felt like and it wouldn't matter cause it wouldn't hurt anyone, in fact my mother was very sure of me so I didn't have strict rules to abide by. I had missed this effortless life and only now, that I saw it jumping in front of me did I realize it.

We hugged and kissed and I felt I was where I belonged.

"Baby, I missed you so much!" My mother welcomed.

"Hey mom, I missed you too," I responded.

"Come on, lets get you home," she said, as she wrapped one arm around my waist.

At home, we were alone. Phil's practice was running late because they were preparing for the Championship.

I sat in the terrace of my Mom's lovely house and a few minutes later, she joined me with some fresh juice in her hands. She handed me a glass.

"What's in that?" I asked. It smelled so fresh and cool.

"Oh, just try it, you'll like it. I've been experimenting in the kitchen a lot lately, I think I hit home with this one," she gloated, lifting her glass and taking a generous sip from her fruity creation.

"So is that your newest pastime?" I teased. She was like that. She always started out things and left them unfinished. I hated that, of course, but that never stopped her.

She stuck her tongue out at me, like some six year old who wasn't getting the ten scoops of ice cream they wanted.

"So, tell me, how's Jacob?" She asked very cheerfully. She adored Jake.

"Uhm…not so good actually." Her forehead creased in response to my unexpected words. "His father passed away last week," I admitted sheepishly.

"Oh my Gosh, I'm so sorry…Baby, you should have told me, I wouldn't have made you come out here…I feel bad now…he needs you," she said and then she covered her mouth with one hand, shaking her head in disbelief.

"No, I wanted to. Jake is better now, and he's staying at his best friends house for as long as I'm here. Plus, I really needed to get away from all that grief," I said and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach.

I took a seat and my mother came next to me, a worried look on her face, "You okay honey? You look kind of pale," she informed me.

"No, I'm good, I've just been through some stress and my stomach is reacting to it, I kind of feel nauseated a lot. It'll pass"

"Okay, well, I'll make sure my baby girl rests," she said caringly and kissed my forehead.

"So, tell me, what else is up? What are you going to do about the wedding now?" she asked.

"The wedding has been postponed indefinitely, until Jake feels better," I answered the question which was more convenient for me.

"Well, that's reasonable…He must be devastated…" my mother commented.

"He's dealing with it as best he can. He won't let me do anything about it though…" I noticed, suddenly disappointed from my inadequate support to Jacob.

"Baby, you have to let him deal on his own. It doesn't matter how close you are to some people, some things you have to face on your own," She advised and I knew she was right.

"I know, I just hope he makes it through," I wished.

"It will take time baby, but enough with all the doom and gloom, tell me, how are you?"

"Well, mom, actually…" I paused, getting what little courage I had together, "There is something, you won't like it, but it has happened so I need to talk about it and you're the only person who can help me with that," I pleaded.

She looked concerned; I had all but freaked her out. "Anything baby, tell me," she encouraged me.

"Edward is back. He came home. He says he still loves me and that I should leave Jacob and be with him," I blurted everything at once so that I didn't get cold feet and hide stuff from her later.

OH! "And I had sex with him. Twice," I added, feeling my face fill with blood and looking away from my mothers' purely shocked eyes.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. She had no words.

"Please tell me what to do. I'm lost. I can't leave Jacob, not now that he needs me the most, and I love Edward, so much that I feel pain when he's away" I explained.

"Baby, you've made quite a mess here…" Renee accused kindly.

"I know mom, tell me how to get out of it."

She took my hand and spoke very calmly to me.

"Bella, if the circumstances were not as they are now. If it was just three normal people and Jake wasn't in such a vulnerable place, what would you do?" she asked.

"I am not sure. I love Jacob mom, I really do, and I want to marry him. Edward, however, is different. He fulfills me," I answered. I really was torn.

"But?" my mom sensed the hesitation that lingered in my voice.

"But, he already left once. What is there to assure me he won't end up leaving again?" I added, unleashing all of my hidden insecurities.

"What does he answer to that?" Rene wisely asked.

"Well, he says it was the biggest mistake of his entire life and that he would die before repeating it." If only my mom could grasp the weight of those words… "He seems pretty honest, but still, I'm scared to really just trust him. When I did the first time, it cost me way too much. Much more than I can afford to lose now" I pointed out.

She remained silent for a few moments. Then, after taking a deep breath, she spoke.

"It looks to me like Option 1 means a good life, with a person you deeply love and Option 2 means uncertainty yet the experience of a love that happens once in a lifetime," she summed up the situation accurately.

"That's pretty much it," I agreed.

"Baby, I can't tell you which way to go, I can only tell you that for you to make the right choice you have to decide, not between what each situation offers you, but between what it takes away from you, in both cases you get happiness, in different interpretations of it. You need to figure out what you are willing to give up. Not what it is you want the most."

Her words actually felt right, she was right. I would be happy no matter which one I chose, eventually. The real question was whether I was willing to give up everything I took for granted now, and reinvent a scenario I had considered in the past, immortality, or whether I was prepared to miss out on _"the experience of a love that happens once in a lifetime,"_ as my mom had delicately put it, and settle with great when I could have otherworldly.

"I never thought about it like that, but it makes sense…I knew you'd help me mom. Thank you so much!" I got up, I wanted to go hug her, but I got dizzy and had to sit back down.

She came close to me, put a hand on my forehead and looked at me with amused eyes.

"What's with all the dizziness? I tell you, I'm too young to be a grandmother…" she commented and chuckled. "I'll get you a glass of water" She went back inside to do as she had said.

Okay, that remark was not even remotely funny. Why would she imply that? That was the last thing I needed right now. Plus, I was _careful_, something like that could not happen. I mean I was late with my period, but that wasn't a first. I'd never had a stable period. And I'd last been with Jake that way two weeks ago. I was not supposed to be expecting my period so I did not make an issue out of the fact that we were _unprepared_. And with Edward…Was that even possible…Wasn't his body supposed to be frozen? Was this whole scenario even possible with him? No, no way…Right?

Just then, Renee came out in the balcony again, holding one glass of ice-cold water, retrieving me from my reverie. Good timing, just before I went completely schizophrenic.

I put all thoughts of the sort aside and continued to prattling on about trivial things with my mother.

I had to. I just had to take the test. That one stupid remark had taken away my ability to sleep because of the angst it provoked in me. I had to take the test. I needed to do so secretly; I could not risk getting Renee suspicious. My only chance was at the airport, where I would be safely away from my mom and completely alone.

When my mom took me to the airport, she squeezed me goodbye and she told me to "_Do whatever makes you happy."_ Like that was easy and simple a task. I thanked her and Phil for their hospitality and I passed the check-in point of the entrance. Quickly, I searched for a pharmacy. Thankfully, there was a small one in the back of the duty-free shop's section. I bought a pregnancy test and I all but run to the closest ladies' room.

Once I was in the bathroom, I checked all the stalls and I made sure I was alone. Just the way I wanted. I left my one luggage outside the stall, got in, and followed the standard procedure for taking the stupid test. Gross.

I had to wait now. I put the stick on a few sheets of paper and on the rubbish bin. I closed the lid to the toilet, sat on it and folded my legs, holding them close to my chest. When, at some point, I felt pain on my lower lip and I realized I'd been biting it. Hard. I could not stop fidgeting. Well, this whole thing was probably a stupid idea that hat been stuck in my head without explicable cause. I just had to take the damn test.

When I realized the required time for it to work had passed, I took the stick in my hand.

It was one of those new and supposedly very accurate tests that didn't let you struggling with dot numbers or screen colors or God knows what else. It just gave you a simple yes or no answer. Yes, you are pregnant. No, you are not pregnant.

My hand was trembling terribly as I picked up the test and spun it around to glance at it's screen.

My heart stopped for a second and I am pretty sure a scream escaped me.

Yes. Yes, you are pregnant.

I immediately started to hyperventilate and my heartbeat became frantic.

This could _not _be happening. It must be some mistake. This just was _not_ possible.

I refused to believe it. I got out of the bathroom, picked up my stuff and ran back to the pharmacy. I got three more tests, all from different companies. Maybe the producer was to blame, and it was all a big misunderstanding. Were that the case, they were so going to get sued…

I hid back into the same bathroom. It must have been weird that I was left alone in there for such a long time, but since it served me well I didn't spare a second thought on the matter. I took all three tests. I got a pink screen, two dots and a cross. Which roughly translated meant: Pregnant, Pregnant and Pregnant.

I was crying so hard it was difficult for me to breath. I picked myself up from the floor, where I sat for a long time and got somewhat cleaned up. Finally, when there was absolutely no more time, I stood up and, mechanically, went to catch my flight home on it's final call. Thank God, I knew my way around airports.

This was happening. It could not, yet it was. Apparently –with the agreement of all colors symbols and dots- I was having a baby. That was not my biggest problem. My biggest, most scary problem right now was easily expressed by a single, simple question.

_**Whose?**_


	14. Secret

14. Secret

I hurriedly gathered all of my things and went running to the appropriate gate. I barely caught my flight. At some point, a flight attendant came to me and asked me if I was alright, if I needed anything and if all my tears were products of some deep rooted fear of flying, or airplanes…If only she knew.

How had it come to this? I kept shedding silent tears throughout the whole flight. I stopped just before we reached home and begun the landing process. I did not want Alice to see me like this, she was picking me up from the airport. She would ask what was wrong with me and I really didn't want to explain. _Oh God!_

She would not ask me what was wrong, why the swollen eyes and all the used klinex. She would already know. Alice probably already knew what I couldn't trust anybody with. As that shocking, yet obvious, realization hit me, I started shoving people around trying desperately to find my way to the right exit and estimate the real damage.

It was bad. I knew it from the moment our eyes met. She was glowing. Of course she was. Only Alice would be happy about something like this in such a circumstance. I couldn't stand looking into those big, excited eyes of hers, so I pinned my eyes to the floor while I approached her. She was leaning against the big glass airport doors. When I got a bit closer to her, she failed to control herself any longer, she run to me and hugged me like there was no tomorrow.

"Congratulations!" she whispered in my ear, "I'm so happy for you! My brother is going to flip out when he finds out!"

"Well, that's for sure…" I murmured.

"Oh, come on Bella, you could be a little more excited than that! You're having a baby!"

"Alice, I'd appreciate it if you kept your voice down" I had to rein that enthusiasm of hers in "and please tell me, did you tell Edward?" I asked, nervousness altering my voice.

"Well, I thought you might want to do that, I didn't want to spoil it for you guys!" She was just so happy there was no stopping her. "Speaking of, he's at the house right now, would you like to go there and drop the bomb?" She offered expectantly.

"God, Alice stop it! This is not good, and I certainly do not want to see Edward right now"

We were now by the car and Alice was stuffing my luggage in her luxurious' cars trunk.

"Well, you know, we never even thought something like this possible! It's huge news Bella! We…you, that is, you have to tell him!" she begged again

"I know" I said, as I fastened my seatbelt, "I will, just not now, Alice I have to figure a few things out first, before I talk to him."

"Bella, nothing is more important than this! Come on, don't drown my happiness!"

"Alice, could you be rational for just one moment for me please? You're not hearing me! This is a problem, not an exciting twist of events." I commanded her attention. I couldn't deal with her when she spaced out like that. She had to see things for what they were.

"Damn, Bella, okay, I'm listening, why would this be such a terrible problem?" She looked at me frustrated, yet serious now.

"I…I don't know whose baby this is" I admitted sheepishly.

She pulled the car over and looked at me in utter shock. This was more like it.

"How can that be?" she asked, her voice puzzled.

"It can very well be considering the fact that I am engaged to a guy, and the fact that I slept with your brother" I explained mockingly. My patience was drying out.

"God, Bella…You need to do the math, whose is it, by date of…" her voice trailed off. I could tell she was just as awkward as I was but she was right. I had to count back the days, I needed to know exactly when I'd conceived this baby, and then I would know who the father was.

"Okay, just get me home, I'll get an appointment to the doctor tomorrow."

It finally sounded something like a plan.

When she dropped me off at my house I begged her to tell Edward not to come by my house tonight – I didn't have it in me to close that damn window and Jake was a priority tonight.

I went into my house and settled in. Charlie was working and I had time to take a shower and make him a nice, home cooked dinner. He had probably just fed on frozen pizzas the entire time I was away, he deserved the extra protein of a nice stake.

Just before I made dinner I decided it would be smart of me to invite Jacob over as well, that way I would be killing two birds with one stone, I got to have both welcoming encounters – my dads' and my fiancées'- at the same time, sparing myself some time.

I got to the phone, and without thinking about it dialed Jakes' number.

"Hey beautiful, welcome home!" he eagerly greeted.

"Hi Jake" was al I could manage.

"So, did you have fun babe? I hope it was worth it because I missed you like crazy!"

Have I ever mentioned how he made me hate myself? How horrible I felt when he talked to me like that? When he showed me love and devotion I did not deserve and probably did not fully appreciate, if I did I guess I wouldn't be in such a position right now, would I?

"It was good to see her, I didn't even realized how much I'd missed her until I was actually there" I answered honestly. Huh, that was not going to go on for long. The honesty that was…

"That's great Bells" he said.

"So, wanna come over for dinner? I'm not making anything extra special, just needed to see you…" I asked him.

"Okay babe, sure thing. What time should I come by?"

"Eight" the exact same time Charlie got home for dinner every single day.

"Eight it is. I have to go now, I love you!" Why did he sound so cheerful? It just made it hard for me to not get him suspicious by being moody.

I hung up the phone without another word.

I went in the kitchen and started preparing dinner. I didn't pay the least bit of attention to what I was doing. My mind constantly drifted away.

What I had said on the phone was true- I had missed Jacob. I had also missed Edward. I had this huge problem to deal with and none of it had even occurred to me. And about that…problem…What was I going to do?

If it was Jacobs, I probably had to tell Edward and break up with him. Not that we had anything to break up from…Such a mess…But if it was Edwards…what would I do? Should I leave Jacob and be with Edward? Should I leave them both and just have my baby? Well, one thing was for sure. That baby was coming and I could do nothing about it. I might as well find out who the father is so that I can make things a bit better for it by the time it arrived. _Hey!_ I'm going to be a mother.

The thought made me unexpectedly happy. I was having a baby and no matter what turbulence it caused me, I would make it all okay for that little creature growing inside of me.

Dinner went by in a blur. I could not concentrate my thoughts on any particular subject. I kept having this image of me with a round tummy and back pains. It didn't really seem that bad. By a rough calculation, I was going to give birth around spring. That seemed nice.

After I said goodbye to an overly excited to see me Jacob, I wished Charlie a good night and went straight for my bed. I remember that part clearly. All that followed then.

I heard my phone ringing for the staircase so I run up to it. It was Alice. My stomach instantly clenched and my hands got sweaty. This couldn't be good. She never called at this time. I answered the phone and before I could speak a single word she blurted sentences at me.

"I screwed up. He knows. Everything. I was thinking about it in the house and he was supposed to be out hunting, he was supposed to be far away, but he wasn't and he heard it. I think all of it. I know, I know I was stupid and that I shouldn't have taken that risk but I did and I'm sorry and now Edward is coming to your house. I'm sorry"

By the time she stopped firing words at me it was too late. Somewhere during that agonized speech from Alice, Edward had come in through my window and had positioned himself on my bed.

"Alice, it's okay. He is here. Don't be sorry. It's okay."

I hung up.

I turned to him and looked at him. I couldn't find my voice. Words seemed too unimportant to express me.

"Congratulations" he said in a pained and tortured voice that was supported by his ghost-like face.

I couldn't even move.

"Don't feel sad. Or bad. I am happy for you. You're going to be a great mom. I just hope that I get a chance to be a great dad. I'm sorry if it sounds weird. I know you are engaged to someone else and chances are against me, but I just think it would be amazing. Having a family with you. That's all," while he spoke his eyes were fixed to the floor and he sounded nervous, embarrassed almost. That's what I did not want.

"I can't tell you anything right now. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm hoping it will enlighten the whole paternity situation but until then I really can't say anything to you right now other that I'm sorry" And I was. Very much so. I had put him in a position where he would get hurt. He was right. Chances were against him. But even if this baby was his, it could never work. We wouldn't be able to make a normal family and support another human being. It was going to be human , right? I put that though away for later consideration.

"No, I'm sorry for having given you reason to doubt the paternity of this child. I could not be it's father. Nothing like that has ever happened before."

"Yeah, well, I'm guessing no other vampire stuck around a human long enough to find out. I don't exclude any scenarios and neither should you. I'm sorry… I need you to go. I need to sleep and rest so that I can have a blood test tomorrow." I said. The distance between us was never closed.

He got up, went to the window, turned around and looking straight into my eyes said "I love you anyhow, even if you're having the trumps' baby" I could see the sheer sorrow in his eyes. The devastation that yearned to consume him. I couldn't stand thinking about it. I love it him too much to be able to stand it.

"I love you too" was all I could manage for him. He left.


	15. Truth

15. Truth

In the morning, I felt like hell. My head was throbbing, probably from crying because I had sent Edward away last night, and my entire body felt swollen. I got up, it was pretty early so I had about an hour or so before I had to get dress and set out to the doctors office.

Right, I had to go to the doctor today.

Suddenly, as I was brushing my teeth, I realized it was too much. This whole thing, this pregnancy, Edward knowing, Jacob not knowing, all these secrets I kept from Charlie… I could not handle it anymore. I needed to talk to someone, but who could possibly be a strong enough person to bare this mess? Alice certainly would be, but she was totally out of the question, she was biased toward Edward and she tried to influence me toward him. Plus, I needed someone who was outside this whole deal. Someone who was hearing it for the first, and probably last, time.

Renee.

My mother. She was a person I could trust with anything and she would know how to calm me down. Well, I couldn't actually tell her: hey mommy, I'm pregnant and the father is either my werewolf fiancée or my vampire…well, a vampire.

I didn't think about I too much because I knew I would eventually chicken out. I got to the phone and she picked up on the other end of the line within the first too rings.

"Mom, hi"

"Hey baby, what's up? Did you forget something here?" She asked a bit concerned.

"No…No, mom, I needed to talk to you" I started. I could feel just how unsteady my voice was.

"Baby, what's wrong? What happened?" Great, I had gotten her frustrated.

Well, it didn't matter, I just had to spit it out. It would be for the best…Eventually. Hopefully.

"Okay. Mom, I'm pregnant." The silence that followed was unbearable.

"Oh" That's why I had called her. She knew, right away, that this was not something normal. Or simple.

"Yeah…"

It felt so much better now. Now that somebody else knew and I wasn't carrying this cross on my own. It felt…better.

"Well, baby, if I remember correctly, we have an issue here," she said, hesitantly, she didn't want to offend me.

"Yes, we do. I'm going to the doctor in a few minutes to resolve it."

"Good, you should," she was frozen. I had seriously shocked her.

"Mom, I'm so scared! I'm so young and I'm on my own, and I messed up… The baby, it could be Jakes', and if it is, the date that I conceived it would have to be at least three weeks ago. I didn't wanna do anything with him while Edward was around…It felt like…cheating. But it could be Edwards', which would date back to last week." I was panicking.

"Hey, Bella, calm down. You're hurting the baby when you stress out. Listen to me, you're not alone. I'll help you. Even if I have to move back to Forks. You're not alone baby."

She did know how to make me feel better. Right now, I was not in a place to assure her that I would be okay on my own. I didn't think it was true.

"But do you honestly think Jacob would raise Edwards child? Or is it possible that Edward would stick around and have a whole family? And he definitely would not stick around to watch me raise another mans kid."

"Hey, you can't think like that right now. Take it one step at a time. I need you to hanf up the phone now, go get dressed and go to the doctor. As soon as you know anything call me. We'll figure out the next step together, okay?" She was soothing me. It was working.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Okay. Bye mom. Thank you."

"I love you baby, no matter what."

I hung up the phone. I was so right to have called her. She made it better, less scary and frightening.

After that I did as she had told me. I slipped into comfortable, old jeans and an emerald shirt. I locked up the house hurriedly and headed for the doctors office.

"Miss Swan," the words of the doctor rang in my ears as I drove away from the building his practice was, "Congratulations, you are definitely pregnant. As for when you conceived now, I have to say it must have been within the last 15 days. It is extremely early and therefore you need to be terribly careful, however, everything looks great"

As I drove, I was so upset I barely noticed it was raining. I pulled the car over because my hands were shaking too much for me to adequately control the steering wheel.

15 days. Two weeks. Definitely not three weeks. Possibly even last week. But definitely not three weeks.

The realization made my breath come in shallow pants.

I fumbled in my bag for my phone. Renee.

She picked up immediately.

"Hey, how are you doing? Did you find out anything?"

"Mom, I did…the baby, it's Edwards!"

The happiness in my voice could barely be restrained. It wasn't reasonable, he would probably leave anyway, and I would loose Jacob as well, but it didn't matter because I would be left with a child. Edwards' child.

"Okay, congratulations baby!" I heard in her voice that she recognized my own satisfaction.

"Oh, mom, thank you so much. I have to go, I have to call Alice." I had to tell her, she would go nuts!

"Okay baby, call me again soon," she pleaded

"Of course I will mom! Bye," I hung up and begun dialing Alice's number.

That didn't take too long either. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hadn't I told you? I knew it Bella, I knew it! Edward is going to flip out! Oh my God, I'm so happy! Bella, congratulations!" She blurted in one time.

"Of course you knew…Alice I'm so happy, I'm going home right now, could you come?"

"Shouldn't I ask my brother to come instead?" she offered.

"No, I'll tell him on my own time, just be careful this time, please!" I was in no mood to argue with her.

"Okay, okay, I'm on my way, meet you there. I bet I'll get there sooner than you, too!" she teased.

I chuckled, said goodbye and put the phone away. I was too far lost in my own thoughts to notice that the rain had gotten too much for me to see anything on the road. I was stupid. I was foolish. I set the car into gear and I started forward. I didn't even glance behind me to see the bus coming. I steered the car onto the road and within seconds, the bus hit me.

My car had been hit from the side so it lost balance and with it, I started to roll over. I landed head down. I saw blood on me, I didn't know where it came from, the seatbelt was holding me upside-down. This was too blurred for me. I closed my eyes just when the screaming begun and shut it out. I did notice a few people running frantically toward me and screaming but I couldn't understand more. They must have been on the bus, which was practically intact…huh, weird… My eyelids fell and I submerged into unconsciousness.

**(Authors note: Please, tell me in the reviews if you want a happy ending now, or if you're okay with me spinning this out a bit more, as i had originally planned, I'd hate to disappoint you!)**


	16. Shattered

16. Shattered

**EDWARDS POV**

She was pregnant. Okay.

This could not be something bad. It had to be good. I had to let it be good for her. There was no way this child could be mine, something like that was utterly unheard of. I had to leave. Again. I couldn't take everyone with me this time, I had already inflicted such a torture on them once, I could not possibly expect them to do it again. I had to fail Bella again. I had to prove myself a liar and leave her, leave my entire life, and go on about misery for the rest of eternity. Beautiful.

I was laying on my, newly acquired, bed thinking those excruciating thoughts when Alice stormed into my room.

Her face was a mask of sheer horror. Something was terribly wrong. Her big eyes were black with grief and her lips personified the most intense frown I had ever seen cast upon her pixie features.

I jumped up from my bed and hurried to her, she didn't seem to really see me, yet she was clearly not having a vision. She had just had one.

I put my grip on her arms to steady her, "Alice, look at me, what's wrong? What happened?" I demanded in a voice so rough with concern I barely recognized as my own.

"She crashed" Alice looked into my eyes and the words she spoke were barely audible. As soon as she said them, she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Who crashed Alice? Talk to me, what's happened? Where is Bella?" Was she the one Alice was referring to?

"Edward, Bella's car was hit by a bus, I just saw it, I think I know where she is" Alice finally explained.

I felt the walls closing in on me, I felt like I was suffocating, were such a thing possible. I had to get to her.

"We need to call Carlisle and give him her whereabouts so he can send an ambulance to her" I stated, thankful that my voice broke only twice.

"You do that, I'll drive" Alice said, and we both rushed to her car.

By the time we got to the scene Bella had been removed by paramedics. Seeing her car had me hyperventilating. It was a wreck. I doubted a person could make it intact out of such a collision. I was so focused on her that Alice had to address me twice before I took in her voice.

"Carlisle sais he heard of a car accident involving a bus, but he didn't think it could be Bella, the ambulance will be arriving at the hospital in a few moments, he will go down to the ER and try to find her, treat her himself," Alice informed me.

"I need to get there," I said as I floored the gas pedal.

"No, Edward, you can't. She wouldn't want you to," Alice said. I immediately stopped the car and stared straight through her eyes. Did she mean that? Had Bella told her that?

"I didn't mean it like that…Think of her family, Edward. Charlie will certainly be there and Jacob as well, and a fight between you is always inevitable. Plus, they're her father and her fiancée, what are you?" she spoke in a soft voice, as if she could compensate for the pain her words caused me. I hated to admit it but she was right. If I saw that jerk of a fiancée of hers, I doubted I would restrain myself and not trigger a new war with those trumps.

"So what do I do?" I prodded.

"Go wait in Carlisle's office, I'll go check things out" Alice suggested.

Without another word I started at top speed for the hospital and once there, darted to my fathers room. Alice took the long hallway to the ER room and asked around for Carlisle.

I got into the office. I sat on a chair. I stood up, I was too tense to be sitting down. I got up and began pacing. After a few moments, I thought I picked up on Alice's inner voice down the hall but I was wrong. Such fury passed me, adding to the impatience already built up in me, that I punched the wall behind me in one fast move, so hard it collapsed under my fist, leaving pieces of cement on the floor.

I could not stand not knowing. Not knowing if Bella was okay, if she was dead or alive, if she was hurt…

Luckily the second I decided to go out and look for her myself Alice walked into the office. She looked at the smashed wall and instead of dropping some sarcastic remark, she remained silent.

"Speak Alice," I yelled at her.

"She's in surgery right now. She's gonna make it. She broke her right arm, a few ribs and she has a dislocated knee. She lost a lot of blood, but she'll live." Alice reported back to me.

I felt a little more alive again. She was going to live. That was all I ever wanted.

But Alice didn't seem relieved at all. I looked at her and she took a deep breath before continuing.

"There's something more. Edward, I'm afraid…Bella had a…she miscarried. Edward you lost the baby, I'm so sorry," suddenly pain altered Alice's expression.

I blinked a few times, what she had just said didn't make any sense.

Bella, was pregnant and now she lost the baby. That would devastate her, and I would do anything to support her through that, there was no question about it. But…

"What do you mean I lost the baby?" I asked Alice, still confused.

"Not you alone, you and Bella…You…Bella didn't want me to tell you but I guess under the circumstances…Edward, you were the father of the baby, Bella found out today. She was leaving the doctors office when…- It was your child Edward…" Alice explained.

"What? Alice what are you saying?" I was too shocked by what I'd thought I'd just heard to come up with a better response.

"I know you did not expect this but it's true, you were going to have a baby" Alice insisted on supporting an argument that seemed irrational.

"Bella…Bella, was carrying my child? She was going to be the mother of my child? And now it's gone?" I felt my knees give away at the crushing pain that came down on me, melting my chest, cutting off my breath. I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to punch something and make the pain go away. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted Bella to be okay and I wanted the baby back. I needed our baby back. So I just got on my knees, immobilized by pure pain and grief that penetrated through my heart and pierced through my soul. I put my hands on my face and began sobbing tearless sobs.

Alice was next to me in a second. She hugged me and tried to soothe the hurt away. I couldn't pick myself up. I had actually had a chance of pure happiness and before I even knew it, it had passed me by. "We would have been a family," was all I could think of and all I could say. Alice tightened her grip on me and she began rocking me back and forth. She obviously understood just how terrible a state I was in because she did not speak a word. She just sat there, next to me, trying in her own way to help me.

How undignified I must have been, lying on the floor in my sister arms. I should have gotten up, dusted my clothes and driven away. I couldn't. It was as if all my strength had been drained out of me.

I don't know how much time passed before Carlisle walked into the room. As soon as he entered, I felt a jolt of electricity run through me. I opened my mouth to speak but my voice failed me. He understood.

"She's okay, she made it, she will be perfectly fine," Carlisle reassured me.

"And…the baby? Is it true?" It was all I could think of.

"I'm afraid so, it was too weak to endure such a crush, I'm sorry Edward…" My world turned black anew. Alice swiftly moved away, after Carlisle's suggestion, and he came over to me. "Edward it's very late. You should go home," He tried pointlessly.

"No, I need to see her, I need to be with Bella" I insisted. I was not leaving her.

"I know but she'll be asleep for at least another three hours and plus, Charlie and Jacob are still here."

"Well…you could tell them to leave and come back in the morning, that she would wake up in the morning, if it came from you, I'm sure they would do so…" Alice conveniently interfered.

"I can't lie to those people," Carlisle looked at me, his eyes begging me to understand.

"I just lost my child. I beg of you. I need to see her."

Carlisle let out a sigh and nodded.

"I'll go talk to them, after they leave I'll call you into the room and you can wait for her to wake up," he said resolutely.


	17. In Pieces

17. In pieces

As I opened my eyes something felt wrong. My vision was blurry and I obviously was not home. As I blinked a few times, I tried to figure out what was going on. Then I heard it. His voice, his beautiful, velvet voice.

"Bella? Are you awake? How are you feeling?" he sounded very concerned, almost anxious.

"Edward! Hi, I'm…" What was I? "I'm… in pain…What happened?" I asked him. I finally was able to take in my surroundings. I was in a hospital. Definitely. Edward was sitting on a chair right next to my bed, holding my hand in his.

"Bella, shh! It's going to be okay, let me get Carlisle, he will explain everything to you," he said, and rushed to the door, then he vanished.

My mind was very unfocused. Something had happened apparently, but I could not remember what, try as I might. There was something very important in the back of my head, something I had to…protect? I had no idea what it was…

Within a few moments, Carlisle walked into my hospital room. He spared me a faint smile and then, as he approached my bed, his face turned very serious.

"What happened?" I asked, honestly clueless.

"Bella, you were involved in a car accident. You broke your arm and a couple of ribs, so you might be in some pain, you also dislocated a knee, so you're going to be a bit unsteady for a while…" Right…as I looked down to my covered body I saw, and mostly felt all of the wounds Carlisle was referring to.

I forced my brain to work. What was I forgetting? I remembered being in the car, and seeing the bus coming, and hearing the screaming…But what had happened before that?

"Where's Edward?" I asked, noticing his absence.

"I advised him to stay outside for a few minutes, I thought you might need some alone time to process what has happened."

What had happened? I had been in a car accident, but all was well now, I would be just fine…

In the car…I had been talking to Alice…_Oh my God, please don't let it be._

"Carlisle, my baby?" I could hear my heartbeat pick up from one of the machines and my breathing was much faster now.

He barely looked at me. "I'm afraid you had a miscarriage Bella. The baby was too small, too young to survive such a shock. I'm very sorry," Carlisle apologized.

I lost it? I lost my baby? I killed Edwards child? How could I have been so stupid? How could I have destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me? I lost my baby…

I didn't even realize that I was crying until Carlisle offered me some tissues.

"I know it's hard Bella but you're very young, you can have other children," Carlisle offered.

"But I killed Edwards' baby, I killed our child." I was weeping, staring at him, who was now sitting on the side of my bed, comforting me.

"No, Bella, you did not, it was not your fault. Don't blame yourself," he soothed me.

"Does Edward know?" I hadn't even told him it was his yet, and now it was already gone.

"Yes, that's why he's here, he wouldn't leave you, he made me send Jacob and Charlie away."

"Do they know?" I hadn't even told them I was pregnant yet…

"No, I did not tell them anything. It's all up to you," he assured me.

"Thank you" as I felt new tears filling my eyes I said "could you please give me a minute? I want to be alone for a while"

"Of course, let me know if there's anything I can do" and he exited the room.

I lay back down on my big bed and stared out the window. I let my tears flow. I deserved that much; I'd just lost my whole world. My entire future.

I'm not sure how long it was before I heard Edward come back inside. He must have done that on purpose, he seldom made his presence noticed, it wasn't natural to him.

I tried to get myself together, I didn't want him to see me like this. I calmed as much as I could and turned to face him. He was leaning on the wall right across from my bed. His expression betrayed that he must have felt as bad as I did because he looked like he was in pain. In a lot of intense, almost physical, pure pain. I'd hurt him.

I couldn't speak. I had nothing good enough to say.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, concerned again.

"My body doesn't hurt too much," I evaded.

"Bella, Alice told me everything." He stated. He seemed like he was undergoing some torture.

"She shouldn't have, I asked her not to, apparently your feelings could have been spared, you could have gone on as if nothing ever had happed, she shouldn't have involved you…" I was so sorry for putting him through this.

"Is that what you think I wanted? Is that what you think I would have done?" he asked, surprise in his voice.

"No, I don't know…Just know that you don't have to feel bad, I wouldn't have tried to tie you to me with this baby, I was having it no matter what," I said and my eyes filled with tears again.

"Oh, Bella" he was now coming close to me, he sat on the bed right next to me and he leaned his beautiful and strained face above mine, forcing me to look into his compelling eyes, "Bella, the moment I found out it was my child you had lost I felt my world disappear. I would not have left you. Neither your, nor our child," he was about to continue as I interrupted him.

"Please stop, you're making it worse" He was describing what we could not have anymore.

"No, you need to hear this. Bella I loved this child as much as you did and losing it cost the world to me. I haven't ever, in my entire existence, felt a sorrow deeper than the one I experienced when I found out you had miscarried our baby. I thought…we could have been a family, that's what I wanted. I didn't even think such a thing was possible."

He would have stayed. I would have gotten my happily ever after. I ruined everything.

The tears were now overflowing my eyes and I had to look away from him. His words only made my grief grow deeper. He would have stayed.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, looking out the window again.

"This isn't your fault. Don't blame your self about this. There's nothing you could have done," he tried to comfort me.

"Edward please don't say that, it's all on me, I was careless and now we're both paying for it." I refused to look at him. It hurt too much.

"No, Bella it's not, and it hasn't changed me, I still love you, more than ever now. We can still have that…a family." He leaned in to kiss me.

We kissed only briefly, we was so kind and gentle with me, I did not deserve it. I turned my gaze away, to the floor this time. He put one hand next to my head to support his body and he rested his forehead on my cheek. "I love you, so much," he said, his eyes closed by his intensity. I couldn't bare to answer him, I loved him too, I was so sorry for having taken away our family, I could never forgive myself. I started sobbing. Loudly. I started crying so hard that I felt pain in my chest. I let the grief consume me.

"I lost it, I lost our baby…" I yelled. He never flinched away from me. I wrapped my arms around his chest and I kept him close to me. I cried even harder. "I lost our child, I'm so sorry," I whispered this time. Edward was caressing my hair and was trying to soothe me. I just kept giving in to shattering sobs. He whispered to me "It's going to be okay". I knew it wasn't.

When I was done crying, we just lay there, he was lying next to me on the bed and was cradling me. I just stared into nothingness having thoughts that were too painful to bear.

Our fingers were intertwined.

After a while, after I had let this whole thing settle in on me, and had expressed my feelings wordlessly, I pulled my self up, despite the pain that burned my torso, and I looked at him.

"You need to leave," I old him calmly

"What? Why?" he asked surprised by my words

"Because I'm guessing Jacob is going to be here soon and because I can't stand seeing your face," I was as frank as could be.

He looked at me, puzzled.

"I can't stand looking into your beautiful face and knowing that I'm responsible for the pain that is pooling there. I can't stand to look at you and think that we could have had a family and that because of me, we won't. It's too much. You need to leave"

I could see in his face that my words had hurt him but that he understood. Silently, he got up from my bed, spared me one last look, and left. The tears started again.

A few hours later, when I had managed to calm myself and relax a bit, Jacob came into the room.

"Hey beautiful, how are you? You scared me there for a minute…" and he kissed my lips tenderly.

"I'm okay, in pain, but I can handle it…"

"Are you sure? You don't look that good, babe," he pressed.

"I'm okay". He was right. I wasn't. it was written all over my blank face. Poor Jake had no idea there ever had been a baby. Let alone Edwards' baby.

"Well, okay, Charlie is downstairs, talking to doctor Cullen," he really tried not to frown upon the word but failed, "looks like we might be taking you home today. How about that?"

"Sounds good," I really couldn't do much better than those mundane answers. I felt dead.

"Okay, I'm just gonna gather your stuff, Charlie is bringing you some fresh clothes, it'll be over soon babe," he soothed me.

"Jake, thank you," I added. I hadn't done anything to deserve such loyalty, devotion and care.

"You're welcome. It's all cause I love you," he said and winked at me.

'_Not you too'_, the thought popped into my head…

I just faintly smiled in response. I just needed to get home.


End file.
